Page 75 of My Favorite Sin

I answer his call without a second thought. “Dan, hi.”

“I know we’re not meant to be talking, but I had to wish you happy birthday, Queen.”

Hearing the warmth in Dan’s voice and his name for me destroys all the progress I’ve made toward calming myself, and I slide to the ground in a silent cry.

“Ally? Where are you? It sounds loud.”

“I’m…” My first instinct is to tell him my location. But I’m close to where Dan lives. He’ll drop everything and come to me without hesitation, and I can’t have that. “It doesn’t matter where I am.” My voice cracks and this time I can’t keep the sobs to myself.

“Fuck. What’s happened?”

I try to answer Dan but all I can do is cry.

“You’re having a panic attack. Shit. It’s okay. I’m here with you. Just breathe. Focus on my voice.” He starts counting in that deep and soothing voice he always uses inthese moments, instructing me through my breathing. I follow along, and it’s a few minutes before I’m stable enough to have a conversation with him.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry for answering the phone like that.”

“Don’t ever apologize for the way you’re feeling. Tell me what’s happening.”

“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling I have. It’s my birthday and the day doesn’t feel right. You’re not here and I miss you. I know it’s a pathetic reason to have a panic attack.”

“Tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you.”

“I… No.” I take a breath and wipe my wet cheeks. “Thank you, but you’re not coming to get me. I need to deal with this myself. Icandeal with it myself. I spent an entire year without you.”

Silence lingers on the phone. When Dan speaks again, he’s gentle with me, yet I can hear an edge of annoyance in his voice. “I spoke to Amabella just now. I hear you’re back with Liam. You’re spending your birthday with him?”

My chest tightens as I broach this topic with Dan. “He’s taken me somewhere for my birthday. We’re not together. It’s going to take me a long time to be with anyone after you. We’re just hanging out as friends.”

“I think he has a little more than friendship on his mind with you.”

“Dan…”

“It’s okay, Ally.” His voice is deep and smooth. “I’m not mad. I told you to go off and do what you need to. Why isn’t he with you right now, taking care of you?”

“He shouldn’t see me like this. Liam went to all this effort for my birthday.” I clear my throat, knowing this conversation needs to find an end. “And I don’t need taking care of. I’m not Liam’s problem or yours. I’m sorry I brokedown on the phone. I’m going to find some way to pull myself together and enjoy my birthday. I should go.”

“Ally…” His tone softens and he sighs. “I’ll be worrying about you all day.”

“I’ll text you with updates, okay?”

He scoffs, frustrated with me. “Your updates aren’t great. Three days I spent in radio silence, wondering if I’d gotten you pregnant.”

My face is instantly hot. I can’t tell if it’s due to the possessiveness in his voice and how much I like it, or the way he scolds me. Perhaps both. “I told you not to worry about that. And I told you the second I got my period.”

“You don’t get it, Ally.” He groans and backs off, even though I can tell he wants to say something more. From the pain in his voice, it dawns on me that this shift in tone isn’t about Dan panicking I was pregnant. It’s about the emotional and physical intimacy we’ve shared and how abruptly it’s been cut off.

“Yeah, I do get it,” I say quietly. “We’re not meant to be talking to each other and this is why. There are too many feelings involved. I’ll be fine today. Trust me, okay?”

With reluctance, Dan agrees and we both hang up. At the same time, Liam steps into view, towering over me sitting curled up on the ground, and sighs with relief.

“Come here. You poor thing.” He helps me to my feet and draws me into a hug. I’m stiff in his arms, embarrassed and confused over his reaction. “Your parents warned me about this.”

They did? That’s even more embarrassing. “I’m sorry. I’ve ruined everything. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. The Juilliard school is here which brought up negative feelings.” Though, in all honesty, I can’t one hundred percent say thisoutburst was caused by Juilliard. “You went to so much effort?—”

“You haven’t ruined anything. Come on, I’ll get you back to the truck and drive you home.”

“No. I want to be here with you. I just had a moment but I’m feeling better now. I’d like to stay, if you’re not scared off.”

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