Page 7 of It's Always Us

“Isn’t this enough?”

His eyes peek at me from the corner as he picks up his paper and pushes out of his chair.Oh, man. Here it comes.

He sets his mug in the sink, standing beside me. “Pal, you get yourself out of this little mess, and then it might be time to shit or finally get off the pot.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

His fingers run over his scruffy jaw. “It’s been long enough.” His voice is softer now. “I know you might need a little time, but you’ve got to stop this . . . just checking off the days. One way or another, you’ve got to start living, and there’s only one way you’re going to be able to do that.”

I stare at the floor, not needing this today. “Too much time has passed. He’s long gone, and after what I did . . . ”

He pats me on the shoulder, stepping away. “Maybe, but you’re never gonna know what time can do if you keep this up.”

He opens the back door, leaving me with his profound words of wisdom.

My lips tip upward, barely. They quickly fall when I hear him holler over the rumble of his truck. My mom walks in the back door in her daily black scrubs with her light brown hair twisted up in a clip.

“Hey, honey. I’m so sorry I didn’t catch you last night. One of the residents was having a bad night, and I got caught up. By the time I got there, Gail was making rounds and telling everyone goodbye. Seth said you left.” She frowns as she deposits my used-up coffee pod in the garbage and reloads it with a fresh one.

My mother is beautiful and vivacious. She has an addicting personality, and people gravitate toward her. She’s youthful, vibrant, and has a knack for attracting the wrong men.

She works at a long-term care facility, caring for those who can’t care for themselves. She’s amazing at her job. How she looks after the people assigned to her is inspiring. She’s just never been that attentive to me.

“It’s ok. I needed to get out of there. It was all . . . too much.”

She crunches the pod in the coffee maker and pushes start. “You feeling ok? You’re looking a little . . . ”

I sit at the table, preparing to destroy another one of my mother’s dreams. Before I can, Krissy steps through the door.

Slade has worked at the garage for as long as I can remember and is the big brother I never had. His sister, Krissy, is sweet and perceptive, and I need her to be on her game this morning. I’m sure he sent her to check on me, wanting to avoid any ‘girly shit.’ I’m thankful knowing how my mom will take this news, and I need backup.

“Morning, ladies.” She glances at me, raising one meticulously groomed dark eyebrow before setting her travel mug on the table and sliding onto a chair. “How are you?”

I pull my mug close again, needing the warm comfort and wishing I’d left my security shirt on underneath my sweatshirt.

“Oh, nerves are just getting the best of her. It’s only a few months, and you’ll be off relaxing in the sand.” My mom busies herself straightening the kitchen as if she’s speaking from personal experience.

“Actually—” I start, but Krissy jumps in.

“Slade and I looked for you last night.” She eyes me like she’s hunting for a hidden clue.

“I had to leave.” I peek at her carefully while she continues to study me. “I didn’t want to be there.”

My mom’s entire body turns to face me. “Did something happen? Was Gail overwhelming you with details? I’ll talk with her and tell her that you’re nervous and—”

“I’m not nervous.” I blurt. “I’m just . . . not marrying him.” As the words leave my mouth, both women gasp, and it’s as if I can feel the oxygen being sucked out of the room. I force my gaze up. Krissy’s glossy lips hang open, and my mom stands frozen at the sink, disbelief written all over her face.

“What?” My mom’s question is clipped, and I close my eyes. “You’re just nervous, honey.” She sits next to me, placing her hands over mine. “It’s completely normal. It’s a big change, and lots of decisions are being thrown at you.” She pushes a strand of hair out of my face. “You need to get some sleep and—”

I cut her off. “No. This isn’t nerves. I can’t marry him. I should’ve never even been dating him.” The truth punches me in my stupid face. I rub my forehead.

My mom grips my hand tighter. “What are you talking about? Seth is perfect. How can you possibly think you don’t want to marry him?”

He’s not Mark.My hand slides over my mouth like I admitted it out loud. I slip my other hand from hers, resting it in my lap. Not making eye contact is easier, while everything Grandpa said consumes my mind.

“Well, ok,” Krissy says calmly, but I roll my head to the side to see her perfectly lined eyes as wide as saucers. “I didn’t see this coming.” Her eyebrows fall. “Or maybe I did.”

My mom ignores her, running a hand over my hair. “Honey, you to need rest and—”

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