Page 30 of It's Always Us

I have to show her that she’s not something I want to hide. I know why she might think that, but she’s dead wrong.

She was right when she said that we’ve changed and don’t know each other like we used to. Lex has changed. The tentative, quiet girl is a strong-ass woman, and even though her words are still few and she’s difficult to read, she knows how to stand her ground. I freaking love her even more for it.

“All right, let’s get you hooked up and see if we can get the pain to come down.” Tyler sticks little patches to my skin. “You doing ok? You’re awfully quiet.”

My mouth might be quiet, but the voices in my head are loud as hell. “I have a lot on my mind.” And my right shoulder feels like it might actually be detached and hanging on by the ligaments.

“You should be flying high after that win yesterday.”

“Yeah, well, this isn’t helping.” I gesture with my head to my shoulder, pain shooting through me at the simple movement, and I suck in air. “Did you watch the game?”

“Yeah. I was on a date, but I would’ve rather watched it alone.”

“That bad, huh?”

He finishes with the patches and hooks up the cords. “I hate dating. I asked if she was fine watching the game, and she said yes. Then, she whined about how long the game was. Why can’t women be honest about what they want? If she didn’t want to watch the game, why didn’t she say so?”

“Maybe you’re dating the wrong women.” I try not to sound annoyed, but part of me doesn’t give a shit today.

He chuckles. “Sandberg, I’m sure with all the women you’ve dated, most have only told you everything you’ve wanted to hear.”

There’s been one who hasn’t.“I haven’t dated that many women.” I want to smack down his assumption, but then I want to punch myself, knowing it’s not justhisassumption. It’s what everyone thinks, and I have no one to blame but myself.

He laughs. “Right.”

“Don’t believe everything you read, Ty,” I spit out, my irritation with every single thing creeping higher.

Buttons beep as he presses them. “You’re saying I shouldn’t put stock in the rumors that you got married the other night.”

He laughs like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world and pisses me off. I should be happy that people think it’s fake news, but I want the entire world to know I married the only woman I’ve ever loved.

When I don’t respond, he continues. “Well, maybe I’ll take a cue from you and keep things light. Dating is too much work.”

I rest back and try to clear my mind, waiting for the pain to lessen. I’ve let the world think I’m a playboy. I’m a flirt, and I like to have a good time. But it’s easy to put on a show when you know that once the lights turn down and everyone goes home, you’re still left with a giant hole that nothing can fill.

I’m no saint, and I’ve done some really stupid shit that I regret, but I was young and dumb. I never met someone who could get me to forget Lex. So, I quit trying.

She’s the only one I’ve ever wanted to date, to be committed to, and now she’s my wife.

Shit. I need to date my wife.

Lex said we don’t know or understand each other, but we haven’t changed that much. That was clear as ever to me the other night. She and I belong together. I just need a little time to remind her of all the reasons why.

______

I toss my keys on the counter, grab a water bottle from the refrigerator, and then pull my ice pack from the freezer. My apartment is finished with the finest things someone can buy, and tonight, it’s emptier than ever.

On my way to my bedroom, I stop at the floor-to-ceiling windows and stare down at the city. It looks like thousands of fireflies zooming around below. For years, I’ve stood here, reminding myself I made it. I’d survived and overcome. I’m living the dream.

There was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to my next birthday. I was removed from the hell I lived in and thought my life was over. I didn’t know where I was going or where I’d end up. Never in my wildestdreams did I imagine I’d be here. I have it all, but like all the other times I’ve stood staring out at the world, there’s one thing missing.

I take a sip of water, allowing a soft smile to creep across my face as I dial her. As it did this morning, my heart skips, anticipating her voice. My excitement begins to slump on the fourth ring, but then—

“Hold on.” I hear a clang and a bang, and I know exactly where she is. The fact that I can call her and talk to her is everything. It’s not the same as kissing her or having her body tangled with mine, but I’ll take it. For now.

After a few seconds, she’s back. “Hey.”

“Is the door locked?” It’s after hours, so I assume she’s alone. Well, I hope she’s alone. The thought of her being there late with a guy causes every muscle in my body to tighten.

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