Page 29 of It's Always Us

“Me neither.”

“I’ll call you later.” He’s back to being adamant. “I love you.”

I can’t help but wonder if love is enough. “Yeah,” I say softly. “Bye.”

Mark and I are married, but we still can’t be together or even tell anyone. Not that I want to tell anyone anyway. I don’t care if it staysbetween us for now. I just can’t help but feel like it’s more me that’s the secret and less us.

It’s another thing that’s changed over the years. I trusted Mark with everything all those years ago, but now, I’m questioning things, and it’s the absolute worst feeling in the world.

I groan at the realization that it’s Monday, and I can’t stay in bed all day and hide from my life. Knowing there’s no way I’m going back to sleep, I dress and carry myself downstairs. I need coffee and the shop to get my hands busy working on something.

I find Grandpa in his usual spot at the table.

“Nice to see you’re home. Want to talk about where you disappeared to?”

I pull a mug from the cabinet, careful not to make eye contact for fear of what his overly aware eyes might see. “No.”

“Do I need to worry?”

“No.” If he knew what I’d been up to, he’d probably be skipping down the street.

“Linda and Bree stopped by yesterday morning, hoping to catch you. Bree brought you flowers.” He points to the small bouquet on the counter. “That girl bounced in here like joy on steroids.”

Bree. My heart squeezes with thoughts of the little girl and her big, innocent eyes. I reach for the small bright bouquet and lift it to my nose as my gut jumps up and smacks my heart, dampening its joy. I’ve helped take care of Bree when Linda has needed it. She’s a special little girl, but even as young as she is, her life hasn’t always been easy.

“What’s waiting at the shop?” I need a car to fix and fast.

He folds his paper while I put fresh water in the vase.

“Dodge Ram was towed in yesterday. Won’t start. But your mom has called me twice. Stop avoiding her so she’ll quit calling me.” He stands, brings his mug to the sink, and then swings his arm around my shoulders. “Pal, I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but I’m here when you’re ready.”

I set the flowers down, letting my head rest on his shoulder, knowing I’ve never questioned where he stands. “I know, old man.”

We stand in silence for a second before the emotions get too high for the both of us, and he drops his arm, stepping away.

“I’m meeting the guys at the diner and then stopping by the store. Let me know if you want something.”

I finish arranging the flowers in the jar before placing it in the center of the table. The bright colors bring a touch of cheer to the worn, dull space. I run a finger over a delicate, bright, yellow petal of a sunflower. I had twelve hours of happiness to fill my sad, lonely insides. I want more than twelve hours. Iwant a lifetime.

Chapter 9

MARK

I wince as my physical therapist rotates my arm, checking my function and mobility, that’s becoming more and more limited. The day after a game, the pain is incredible, and my stomach rolls as my torture agent finally eases up.

“Sit tight while I grab a few things.”

“How about a saw? You might as well completely sever it from the rest of me.”

Tyler steps away, pulling something from the table beside me. “I’d think about it, but you’ll need it next week, and I’m in the business of helping you make it there.”

I take a couple of deep breaths, knowing I’m living on borrowed time. I’ve been Band-Aiding this injury for the last two seasons, and I’m paying for it in more ways than one.

As soon as the season is over, I’m walking straight into surgery that will hopefully repair the separation so I can start physical therapy and get back into training. I need time to show I can still throw the ball, maybe even better.

What’s not factored in is my wife, and my current projection has me unable to be anywhere near her in the coming months. I might have to convince her to come to me, but after what I told her, I wouldn’t blame her if she told me to go screw myself.

Telling her our relationship needs to remain quiet was unfair, and I know it hurt her. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world. She’s theabsolute last person I’d ever want to hurt, but my words and request did. I knew it the instant she bit back.

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