Page 10 of It's Always Us

Three Months Later

“It’s an emergency. I’m doing it, and don’t even try to talk me out of it!”

I push through the crowd, keeping my head low to avoid being stopped for pictures and autographs.

I glance at the signs above, searching for the arrow that will point me in the direction of the rental lot. I need this to be quick. I’ve waited long enough, letting fear get in the way, and time is running out. This is my last chance, and I don’t have a second to think twice.

I hear a long exhale on the other end of the line as I scan the board for my name. I have no doubt my older brother is running a hand over his face. I turn to see a phone raised in my direction and step away quickly, hoping I dodged it.

I walk quickly through the lot, scanning the cars.

“This is a terrible idea,” Shane grumbles, but I don’t have time for his grouchy, sour attitude. This is my life.

I find my car with the keys in the ignition and toss my duffle bag in the back, wasting no time climbing in. I switch my phone to the speaker.

“You told the GM and your coach this is an emergency? Have you really thought this through? You’re walking in there blind. You have no idea what you’ll face.”

Sean, my younger, more sensible brother’s calm questioning goes in one ear and out the other. I know exactly what I’m doing. I don’t knowif I’m walking in completely blind, but I can’t say I know what to expect either.

These guys care. They’re looking out for me, just like they always have. Even though we aren’t brothers in the traditional sense, they have my back and always will.

The three of us were tossed together in a group home when I was eight, and we’ve been each other’s family ever since. Some bonds are thicker than blood ever could be.

I have no idea what the outcome of this will be. I know what I need it to be, but I’m very well versed in things not turning out how I want them to. This is my last shot at getting the one thing I’ve always needed.

“This is a life emergency!” The urgency in my bones needs to calm the hell down. I can’t walk in there acting like a lunatic, but my panicking ass needs this to work. “I know where I’m going, and I know what I need. Other than that, I’ll be calling plays on the fly.”

See calm. I can be calm. I do it every day on the field.Shit! This has to work.

There’s silence on the other end of the line until Shane, the big, negative one, adds his two cents, which I know I’ll likely ignore.

“This might be the dumbest idea you’ve ever had. What happens when this blows up in your face?”

Idea? Ha.I wish this were my idea. My play. I’m taking advantage of the last opportunity I might ever have, and there isn’t a thing that will stop me.

“I appreciate your vote of confidence, Shane.” I bite back.

“Hey, I’m watching out for you. You’re supposed to be heading to Vegas. That is what you need to be doing, not chasing a fantasy.”

My grip tightens on the steering wheel as the heat of irritation rushes through my body. I know when I need to be in Vegas. I’m supposed to be in a team meeting first thing in the morning, preparing for the game and then practice. I’m supposed to be on the plane with the rest of my guys in two days, aiming to get us one step closer to the playoffs.

I crack the window. “This isn’t a fantasy. This is my life, and I’ve been given a chance.”

I proceed through the security gate, hoping for Sean’s gentle confidence before I lose my last ounce of patience that’s dangling off a cliff by one finger.

“Just take a second to think about what you’re doing and what happens . . . afterward,” his calm voice advises. “You need to be prepared for this not to go the way you want. Don’t forget, she’s the one who left you high and dry. It’s been a long time, Mark, and a lot has changed.”

He might as well have socked me right between the pecs. Right where it hurts all the damn time. Never changing. Pain that I’ve just gotten used to. But it’s always there, lingering. Wondering. Hoping. Living and breathing, begging for another chance.

Underneath, way deep inside, there’s this need to know that I wasn’t wrong. That somehow, this was all some big misunderstanding.

The memory of her just . . . disappearing still burns like hell, but I’ll never believe it was because she didn’t love me. I can’t. I just can’t.

Sean’s right. Everything has changed, but I haven’t, and I know exactly what I want and need. I’ve always known, but there’s a real possibility I’ve never been what she’s needed. Maybe even then.

I swallow the uncomfortable tightness in my throat.

What I don’t need is any more of their negativity infiltrating my desperate, spontaneous, maybe totally and completely insane plans. But it’s all I’ve got, and I’ve never been one to play it safe.

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