Page 65 of Military Daddies' Nanny

"Just like old times, huh?" she ventures, voice deliberately light despite the strained undercurrent. "I'm sure it'll get easier once we…"

She trails off, staring absently at the kitchen door which Jason and Bella have just gone through. I know exactly what she’s thinking. I’ve begun to see it too. For a while, I really thought fixing things with Karen was what the kids needed. I thought it could work. It’s beginning to feel like I was wrong.

“I’ll handle the dishes,” she says with an air of resignation.

I search for comforting words for her, but come up empty. Painfully empty. I watch her leave, then head to my office for some quiet time. The house seems eerily empty, a contrast to how things were weeks ago, where I couldn’t hope for quiet time in any corner of the house.

This room has become a sort of solace for me. Somewhere I can come to when I want to quiet my thoughts. I pull a bottle of whiskey from the shelf and pour myself a drink. I’ve barely taken a sip when I hear a light knock on the door.

I look up just in time to see Jason and Bella slide into the room. I lean forward in my seat, smiling. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”

Bella glances at her brother, then inches slowly into the room, her arms crossed in front of her. Jason follows close behind, shuffling behind Bella. Their posture and body language has me worried and I try to keep my concern out of my voice when I ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Bella says when she’s a few feet away. “Well, there’s something we’d like to talk to you about. Jason and I have been talking.”

I cock my head to the side. “Oh, yeah? What about? Come here, Bella. I’m not going to pounce on you or anything. Come on, talk to me. What’s up?”

“It’s about mom.”

That makes me frown. “Okay. What about her?”

Bella seems to be struggling to put her words mildly. “Oh, she’s…great. I used to think about her a lot before.”

“Me too,” Jason admits. “I wanted to know what it was like to have a mom like everyone in school.”

My throat feels tight. I knew it. As much as I tried, I knew the kids would have wanted their mother even though they didn’t say it. That was why I made the decision I did.

I give my children a smile. “You must be really happy that she’s back.”

Bella and Jason exchange a glance again.What’s that about? Am I wrong?

“Yes… it-it’s been nice. Especially at first,” Bella begins. “I was…happy because it felt nostalgic. My memories about the time mom was around had become faint…and then there she was here again…but now…”

Jason finishes his sister’s words. “Now it’s not the same. It was nice at first, but now it doesn’t feel very special. It’s nice to know Mom, but…we miss Nancy.”

That catches me by surprise. Of all the things I could have expected to hear tonight, this didn’t make the list. “I…what?” I stammer.

Bella shrugs.

“I don’t know,” she says. “It just seems like mom came and then Nancy left. Mom’s nice, but she doesn’t really know us. And it’s also about you. You’re sad all the time now. When Nancy was here, you used to seem happier. I don’t think we can be family with Mom like that again. It’s nice that she came back, and I want to talk on the phone and maybe visit her sometimes, but…we can’t live with Mom and you together.”

Jason nods. “Yeah, Nancy’s fun and she actually knows what I like!”

Bella smiles. “I made a friend because Nancy helped me. I didn’t realize how lonely I’d been before.”

I watch Bella quietly, a hundred thoughts spinning through my head. A glance at Jason shows him agreeing with his sister, and I can already tell this is not the first time they have had this conversation.

I feel silly. I’ve known deep down that it hasn’t been working, but I’ve been forcing it, claiming I made my choice for them. And yet, here they are, practically telling me that I made the wrong decision.

“It feels so weird not having Nancy around,” Bella continues, her voice soft. “She had become a part of our lives. Can she come back?”

I smile at my daughter, a smile that doesn’t touch my eyes. “Come here, baby girl. You too, Jason.” They shuffle forward, and I wrap them in a bear hug. “I’ll talk to Nancy. She can definitely come back.”

It could be a lie. I have no idea if I can make Nancy come back. I haven’t spoken to her since she left. How do I tell them that?

“Thanks, Dad,” Bella chirps. “I’m glad I could talk to you about this.”

“Of course, baby. Anytime. It’s getting late, though. Can you and Jason go up and shower for bed? Daddy has some things to take care of.”

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