For a long moment, there’s nothing but silence between us as we revel in the strength of our friendship. However, in typical Jamie fashion, I know that it won’t last.
Then finally, “HOLY SHIT GIRL!” she yells. “I know this might not be the right time but, oh my God, I’m going to be an auntie—”
She does an excited little jump as she squeals. She cuts off almost immediately, her voice dropping several decibels. “Wait…just, hold on…do you know who the dad is? I know what the doctor said, but do you have a feeling as to who it might be?”
I should be relieved by her enthusiastic response, by the clear elation in her voice and some part of me is, honestly. Jamie and I have been like sisters since our freshman year in college, our bond forged through our shared hatred of school, and way too many late-night cramming sessions. She deserves to share in this news, to revel in my joy.
And yet...as I think of a response to give, a sick sort of guilt takes root in the pit of my stomach.
“It's...complicated,” I admit, pulse fluttering with nerves. “They could all potentially be the father. I won't know for sure until later in the pregnancy. Maybe I should have some sort of idea, but I’ve been with them all. I truly don’t know. I’m so ashamed.”
“Nancy Alexandra Jones!” Jamie’s voice booms with incredulity. “Are you kidding me right now? Why should you be ashamed? Don’t give me that crap. You did nothing wrong. You all had a wonderful open relationship. It’s not like you were two-timing anybody. You even have two of these men here and supporting you.”
I blush and glance towards the guys to make sure they didn’t overhear that. They’re still too far away to have heard.
I take a deep, bracing breath, aiming for at least a modicum of calm, and reduce my voice to a whisper. “You’re right,” I admit.
“Damn sure I am,” Jamie responds. “Instead of those silly feelings, you should be allowing yourself to be excited! You’re going to be a mom! I know how much you love kids.”
Jamie’s words bring a smile to my face unbidden. “I know, I knowwww. It's...wow. Trust me, I'm still wrapping my head around it.” She’s right again. Beneath all the complicated feelings, I’m very happy.
“This is my reality now,” I say incredulously. “Carlos and Nathan say they're in this with me no matter what. Which is...amazing. Incredible. God, Jamie, I'm going to have a baby!”
It's a giddy sort of revelation, both surreal and viscerally real at the same time. Because despite the chaos raging around me, despite not knowing who the father might be and how Drew will react when he eventually finds out...my body is quite literally blossoming with new life.
A life we created from love, pure and simple. A life I already cherish with every fiber of my being.
Jamie’s voice rings in my ear again, "That’s better. I don’t want any of that ugly overthinking right now.”
I huff a watery laugh, swiping at a stray tear that escapes unbidden down my cheek. “You know me, always going for the gold in Olympic-level overthinking. You’re right. I should be positive. This baby is the most incredible, miraculous thing, and I'm going to love them with everything I have. I just…”
The words stall in my throat, choking me with a sudden rush of anxiety. Carlos and Nathan are truly great. They are warm and patient and so, so loving.
They've already thrown themselves behind this, pledged themselves to this child – no questions asked. But Drew... Drew is another matter entirely.
“Whatever the case,” Jamie says. “I need you to remember this. You have me. I’m right here. Whatever you need, just let me know. Just relax, Nance. We’re going to figure this out.”
A few tears splatter on my thigh. “I love you. More than I can say. Seriously, where would I be without you?”
“In a world of trouble,” she teases. “You know I love you too.”
Jamie wraps me in a warm hug, and I look over her shoulder at Carlos and Nathan, who are already coming back. I’m scared, but surrounded by people who care for me, I close my eyes, and truly process the fact that I’m about to become a mother.
Chapter 22
Drew
The sounds of childish laughter and splashing water fill the humid air, echoing off the tile walls of the indoor water park.
In any other circumstance, the cheerful chaos would be like a balm to my weary soul and a reminder of the boundless joy my kids are capable of when not weighed down by the baggage of their parent’s mistakes.
But not today. Today, every peal of delight twists the knife a little deeper and compounds the guilt and aching loss carving out a hollow space beneath my breastbone.
Because it's not me making them laugh like that. It’s not me stoking those bright sparks of unbridled glee. It's Karen who basks in their affection now.
I watch from across the pool deck as she playfully splashes them, shrieking in mock outrage when Jason retaliates by bombing into the water beside her, launching a tidal wave of chlorinated liquid her way.
Bella squeals, clambering up Karen's back and clamping tiny hands over her eyes in a fit of giggles. The scene is...charming. Idyllic, almost. A Norman Rockwell portrait of family togetherness made flesh.