Page 86 of Rich and Bossy

Why?

Anyone else and I could enjoy this. I would be so happy and excited, to have met the right guy.

I glance over at him sleeping and he looks so content. How can I sit here and do this, knowing what I know? I turn out the lamp next to the bed and slide between the sheets, settling on my left side so I can look at him.

He’s sound asleep like everything is okay and not like he might lose his business this week.

I don’t know that’s the case, but a lot of people are going to be upset, and what’s he supposed to do? Defend me to them? I hate that he’s going to be in that position.

I still have to do what I think is right.

Yeah, tonight you didn’t do that. It was selfish.

I roll onto my back with a sigh of regret. Why can’t I allow myself to enjoy the best sex in history? For just five minutes even?

His bedroom ceiling is different than mine. No cracks in the plaster. Nothing for me to trace with my eyes, nothing to distract me from the self-loathing.

Campbell was probably right. He’s going to be furious. He’s going to think I slept with him, went on the date, just to distract him. He doesn’t know that I really feel this too. That I wish it could be different.

And what did I tell her when we had this discussion yesterday? That if he can’t handle it, I’m not the woman for him. I meant that—even now, lying naked in his sheets, I know it’s the truth. If he can’t see what I’m doing, we have no future.

I shouldn’t have this sympathy for him. I shouldn’t care. I have to remain focused, and I can’t have him clouding my judgment. It should’ve never gotten this far.

I can’t believe I let myself get caught in the middle of this. I knew better, right?

This isn’t going to work.

And now, if I succeed, and he loses the things he loves, it’s still going to hurt. Even if I win, I lose. I don’t want to see him hurt.

I have to sleep. I can’t control what happens from here.

It’s out of my hands, and I have a long day tomorrow.

CHAPTER 23

Paxton

I’m goingto have to come up with some legitimate reason to keep swinging by the Minnie warehouse. In all the years we’ve operated, I can count my visits on both hands. Even when it was the first warehouse. Now, I’ve been here multiple times in a matter of a few weeks.

If I’m not careful, Paul’s going to think I have a thing for him. I’m in the BMW once again to not draw attention to myself. Maybe I’ll check with Paul, ask him about the union rumors and see where we are with that, even though it’s all squashed. We did just have the meeting with the consultant, so following up on that is as good of a reason as any to come by. Then, maybe I can get a feel for the room and maybe have him ease up a little on the bathroom breaks, put an end to the bottle pissing. I gag a little just thinking about it. Jesus.

I still think maybe it was one person doing that and Hazel made it sound like some kind of widespread epidemic, but who knows. It’s unacceptable either way.

And after I make my brief appearance, I can do what I’m really here to do. Find a way to see Hazel. Sure, I saw her briefly, early this morning. She was up and out the door quick though.She briefly mentioned a test and something for work. I get it, she’s busy. I can’t get enough of her. To hell with everything—the enormous stakes make it ten times more exciting and interesting.

There is definitely something to be said about forbidden romances.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and notice I’m smiling. Smiling far more than I usually do. Not one of those reserved, I’ve got everything under control smiles, either. I look like a kid on Christmas. Hazel Strous makes me happy.

It’s kind of nice. It’s a happiness I’m not used to. A happiness I get when I play with my nephews and listen to my mom and sister give me shit. The kind I get talking to Dad while he works on the Corvette.

It’s funny. I always wondered what people were talking about when they acted like sex was some religious kind of experience. For me, it was always just about satisfying some biological needs that are programmed into us. Until now, I’ve never understood that shit, thought they were talking nonsense. Probably trying to sell something. Once or twice I’ve even wondered if something was wrong with me, like maybe they were right, and I would never get to know what it was like. The whole falling for someone. It seemed fantastical, like magic.

Now I get it.

And now, I’m afraid nothing else will ever be the same. It’s insane what I’ve risked, pursuing her. Friendships, family, business—everything, really.

Son of a bitch.

---