Page 87 of Someone You Deserve

“I mean…”

“Have you hadthatconversation?” my mother asks.

I lift one of my brows. “What did you not understand about the fact that we haven’t really talked?”

“No need to get testy with me, young man. You’re the one that came to me for advice, so watch your tone.” My mother points a finger at me with narrowed eyes.

“Sorry.” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “But do you really think taking her on a trip is the solution?”

My mother nods. “Speaking from experience, the times when your father and I could get away, just the two of us…those were the times that kept our relationship alive. That’s when we could actuallytalkand we weren’t being interrupted by real life and kids around every corner. It was just him and me,” she says, emotion clogging her throat now. “Those trips reminded us of why we chose each other all those years ago and why we loved each other.” She tilts her head at me. “Getting away from reality can actually help you get a handle on reality, as backwards as that sounds. And you two need the space to figure out exactly what you want.”

“What about Brandon?” I ask. “She was hiswifeand that won’t change.”

“He would want her and the kids to be happy and loved in his absence.”

“But he was my best friend. It feels like betrayal. And Dad was always so adamant about loyalty, brotherhood…”

“Let me ask you this. Do you think your father wouldn’t want me to be happy and move on if I had the chance?” my mother asks, catching me off guard—not only because that’s something I hadn’t considered, but also because I can’t imagine my mother with someone else.

“I—I don’t know.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Yes, you do, but let’s try it this way. What if you had been Astrid’s husband first?” My heart starts to race. “What if you were the one that died and Astrid fell in love with Brandon? Would you not want her to be happy if she had to live a life without you?”

Fuck. I never thought of it that way.

“I—I don’t know how to answer that because how I feel about it is irrelevant. I’m not him.”

My mother arches her brow. “Exactly. How Brandon would feel is irrelevant too— because he’s not here, Penn. But you and Astrid are. And I swear,” she says, clenching her teeth, “if you mess this up with her, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Are you threatening me?”

She nods, but her smile is playful. “You’d be a fool to let her slip through your fingers.” Her eyes dance with emotion. “Don’t be mad at me, but I always wished she had fallen for you instead of him.”

“Mom…”

She holds a hand up. “I know things happen for a reason, but now you have a chance. Take her away, show her the man that you are, the man you can be for her. Make her talk to you and fight for what youwant. I’ll take Bentley and Lilly if need be, but you need to do this. Trust me.”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever fully let me in, Mom,” I say, voicing my biggest fear out loud.

“Then this is your chance to show her you can be who she needs. That she’s safe with you.”

I pull her into my chest and kiss the top of her head, breathing in the smell of garlic, rosemary, and spices on her. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Penn. And please don’t worry about letting down your father.” She sits up again and looks me in the eyes. “I think you’d be surprised to know that your father was quite the hopeless romantic.”

“Really?”

“Yes. In fact, I think that’s where Hazel gets it from—that desire for love, that need to feel wanted. When he was struggling with depression, I reminded him of everything he had to live for, and it was his undying love for his family that pulled him out of that dark place. He could never be disappointed in you for going after what you want, especially if it’s for love.”

The corner of my mouth lifts up and emotion swells in my chest. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“I wish he could have told you himself, but…”

“He’s here with us today, Mom. I know he is.” My throat grows tight, but only because I hope for both of our sakes that he is here and he knows that we miss him.

I miss him terribly.

And I hope to God he’s not disappointed in me.

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