Page 118 of Someone You Deserve

She nods. “Most of the time, but I’m human too, Penn. Lord knows I’ve made my share of mistakes and needed other people to knock some sense into me a time or two.”

“Well, I didn’t make a mistake this time, Mom. At least not yet.” I stare down into my mug, knowing damn well it’s too fucking hot to drink yet. Hitting Dick wasn’t a mistake, but moving past this rock in my gut could be one if I can’t wrap my head around everything I know now about my best friend and his marriage.

“Talk to me, Penn.”

I glance over at her and let out a long breath. “Astrid and Brandon were going to get a divorce before he died.”

She swallows hard, pausing for a moment before saying, “I know.”

Her admission has me straightening in my seat. “What?”

Nodding, she inhales deeply. “Yes. He told your father, and naturally, your father told me after Brandon died.”

Holy shit. All this time Astrid thought that no one else knew but her mom and brother. But it looks like Brandon told my dad. He confided in my father, but not in me.

“Why would he tell Dad and not me?”

“You can imagine why, Penn,” she says tilting her head at me.

“I was his best friend…”

“Exactly. Don’t you think he was carrying around shame about his marriage being in trouble and didn’t want you to look at him that way? Like a man who couldn’t keep his relationship together?”

“Fuck.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as anger burns up my chest. “Do you know how guilty I’ve felt for the past four years?”

“Yes, but like I already told you, you shouldn’t. What happened has happened, and there’s no changing that. And it wasn’t my place to bring that up.”

“Astrid wasn’t ever going to tell me, Mom. I found out from Grady, who found out from their mom.”

“Is that why you’re torn up in knots? Because you feel like she betrayed you?”

Staring down into my tea again, I shake my head. “No. I’m not angry with her. I actually felt remorse when she broke apart in my arms last night. She carried that secret for years but didn’t want it to affect our relationship so she just kept it to herself.”

“That’s what she felt was best.”

“But it feels like she couldn’t trust me with the truth about her past, and now I find out that my best friend didn’t trust me either.” I look up at her again. “He always told me things were good between them, perfect even.”

“A lot of people lie to cover up the truth that they don’t want to face.”

“But he should have trustedmewith the truth, right?”

Her brows draw together. “I don’t think it was about trust, Penn. I think it was more about shame and disappointment in themselves, especially because Brandon was a Marine. Being a military spouse comes with certain expectations, sacrifices that you sign up to make when you take your vows, and to want out of that, there’s a stigma attached to it.” She reaches out for my hand. “You have to remember that when people are going through something, it's usually more about them than it is about you. They were navigating a life-altering change and did what they felt was best. Your friendship with both of them stood to be changed if you took sides. Did you ever think about that?”

“Fuck. No. But I fucking feel like my best friend wasn’t the person I thought he was.”

“That’s understandable, but not everyone shows us every side of them, Penn. I wouldn’t take this personally, honey. And if Astrid finally confided in you, I would take that as a compliment—that she felt safe enough to let you see the darkest parts of her, the parts that she didn’t want to share with anyone.”

“Yeah, only because Grady forced her hand.”

She takes my hand in hers. “Don’t you think that’s a good sign too? That Grady assumed she would have disclosed that detail of her life with you? Doesn’t that speak to the level of friendship and comfort you two share?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You have to remember, Penn. What we find easy as friends becomes a burden as lovers. It’s difficult to cross that line and not have it affect your relationship.” She squeezes my hand and then goes back to holding her mug with two hands. “Let me ask you this. Did she tell you what was wrong in their marriage? Why she felt like she wanted out?”

“Yes,” I say through clenched teeth, still irritated that a man I respected so much couldn’t be bothered to invest energy into his marriage and the woman he chose to build a life with.

“And how did that make you feel?”

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