Page 119 of Someone You Deserve

“Like I want to prove to her that I can be the man that she needs.”

Her lips spread into a slow smile. “Then you've learned everything you needed to in this situation. The only thing to do now is move forward and love her the way she deserves.”

***

The wind whips around me, but I keep trekking along in the grass, getting closer to the grave that I need to confront.

My mother may have said that the only thing I needed to do now is move forward, but in order for me to do that fully, there are a few things I need to get off my chest.

I don’t know if I believe in life after death, spiritual connection and the ability to send messages beyond the grave. But tonight, before I prove to the woman that I love that she’s the brightest star in my sky, I need to make my peace with the man who dulled her shine.

When the headstone comes into view, emotion builds in my throat. I’ve only been out here one other time, just a few months after he passed. I was pissed at him for leaving his wife and kids alone, for not coming home to all of us—and yet proud that he made the ultimate sacrifice for his country, something I never signed up to do because I didn’t want to be faced with that harsh reality someday.

No matter how I feel about his treatment of Astrid, I will always hold the utmost respect for the soldier that he was, the friend that stood by me when times were tough, the man who asked me to be the godfather to his children, and the boy who offered his friendship when I was just a lonely kid on the playground.

“Hey, man.” I stand above the headstone, staring down at his name and the dates he entered and left this life. “It’s been a crazy month or so, and if you’ve been watching over us, you probably know why I’m here.” My throat grows tighter as I talk, and the wind picks up. The December air is frigid and part of me wishes I wouldn’t have left my big coat in my truck. This suit jacket just isn’t thick enough to fight off the cold.

Pulling my jacket tighter around my body, I continue. “I honestly don’t know what to say, don’t know if you’re even listening, don’t know if this shit even works—talking to those that aren’t hereanymore. But for me to move forward, I need you to know that I never planned this. Hell, when Astrid and the kids lost you, I felt grief for myselfandfor them. I thought my friend had lost the love of her life, and for a moment in time, you were that person for her. But now?” I shake my head. “NowIwant the chance to be that person for her.”

The frustration that’s been resting in my chest starts to come out. “All this time, all of this guilt I’ve been carrying around, and for what? You two were done. She was ready to move on and when I finally felt like we could, the truth slammed into me out of nowhere.” I sigh and wipe under my nose that is growing colder with each minute. “I can’t ever know what you may think of this. And hell, if you were still alive, I don’t know if I would have felt this way about her or not. But this is where we’re at now—desperate for one another and needing each other for the support it takes to keep living while chasing our dreams. And even though I know you’ll always be her first, the man who gave her children, I want to be her last, her fucking everything—the man she needs and deserves for this next phase of her life.” I pound my fist on my chest as my eyes go blurry from the building tears.

I stare off in the distance, letting the breeze whip around me again for a moment. “I’m sorry you can’t be here, that you don’t get a second chance, man. The kids deserve to have their dad, but Astrid is worthy of happiness too. And I hope you can accept that, accept that living after losing someone is one of the bravest things you can do. It takes courage and the permission to be selfish because the only person that can keep living for you is yourself.”

I swipe under my eye as one tear falls. “I’m going to her event tonight, the one she’s catering by herself, the one where she gets to showcase her talent and I’m going to support her, cheer for her, and kiss her in front of everyone because I want her to know how proud I am of her. I only hope you can be proud of her now, too.” I nodand then take a step back. “Until we meet again, brother.” I give him a salute and then turn on my heels as I blink away the tears that have yet to fall. And just before I get to my truck, something flies through the air and hits me in the eye.

“What the?” I take the thin piece of paper off my face and stare down at it as goosebumps break out on my arms. “Holy shit.”

The tag from a Hershey’s kiss sits right in my palm, the thin white strip with blue letters clear as day and unmistakable. I look over my shoulder, back at the graveyard behind me and swallow—unsure if this was just a coincidence or if this was the sign I needed—the reassurance that the past cannot be undone, but the future still remains bright.

And there’s only one woman that I want in mine.

***

Lights flash beside me on the other side of the highway, blinding me slightly as I keep speeding toward Raleigh. I’m already behind schedule because of traffic. I don’t know what the holdup was, but the irritation in my body multiplied the later the time on my app kept telling me that I was going to arrive.

I let Astrid know last night that I had some matters to take care of so I couldn’t swing by her house, but also I needed some time to get my head on straight. And now that I have, I can’t wait to tell her everything that she needs to hear, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to do that in a damn text message.

Brake lights flash in front of me, warning me that traffic is about to slow down again.

“Mother fucker! Are you kidding me?” I pound my palm into my steering wheel, running my hand through my hair again. This can’t behappening. It’s one of the most important nights of Astrid’s life and I’m going to fucking miss it.

Please God, don’t let me miss this.

If I don’t make it, she’ll never forget it. I have to be there, to support her, to be proud of her, to encourage her in everything that she’s already accomplished and still has yet to.

A car slides in front of me. I slam on the brakes.

And when I hear the screech of tires and crunch of metal, I brace for the impact that I know is coming.

Chapter twenty

Astrid

“Oh my God, this is a lot of people,” I whisper to Willow as she helps me put the finishing touches on the display table for my cupcakes and cookies. The last twenty-four hours have been a blur, but what really has me on edge is the fact that I haven’t spoken to Penn all day and I have no idea if he’s still going to be here tonight like he said he would.

“I assure you, there are just a few under five hundred. You should have more than enough baked goods.”

“Well, I made extra just in case. It wasn’t easy with one mixer, but we managed.”

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