Page 90 of Devoted

I crumble to the floor and sob—for the possibility of my mother being able to live, for the relief I feel that she’s still going to be around for a while longer, and for the empty feeling in my chest knowing that the one person I want to share this with doesn’t want me in her life anymore.

“Fuck, Mom. That’s good. That’s really fucking good.”

“I know, Brooks. I know. I was prepared for the worst and ultimately accepted that I wasn’t going to continue chemo after today. I felt like I needed to just accept that this is what would kill me. But hearing the positive progress, knowing it’s working—it’s renewed a fight in me, Brooks. I have to beat this, baby. I don’t want to miss out on the rest of your life. I want to see my grandchildren be born and watch them grow up. I want to see you marry that woman. I’m not done fighting, son.”

The tears are flowing so heavily right now I can’t see the floor in front of me. I’m struggling to breathe as I hear my mom cry on the other end of the phone, and hearing her declare that she’s dedicated to keep fighting, just reminds me that the strength I have is all because of her.

“I love you, Mom. I will be right by your side through it all, okay? We can do this.”

“I know. I love you too. Come over later so I can hug you. You have to work in a little while, right?”

I glance at the clock and then realize I need to get a move on.

“Yes. I do. I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning, but last night sucked. I’ll come over after work though, okay?”

“Okay. Sounds good. And don’t worry, Brooks. I want you to keep living. I hope you found some clarity about the situation with Jess. We’ll have dinner and celebrate our small victory later today.”

“I love you.” I hang up the phone and rest my head against the cupboards behind me, relieved of tension I’ve been holding in my chest for months. I know we’re not out of the woods, but a decrease in growth is a tremendous step in the right direction for my mom. It’s a clear indication that she’s on the right track.

And now there’s just one other track I need to get back on. And it includes Jess.

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