Page 89 of Devoted

“Shit,” I mumble. “Do you think I should ask her to help me?”

The men all chuckle. “I don’t think her level of expertise is right for your circumstances with Jess. I feel like your situation is a little more serious than that,” Ethan argues.

“Yeah, speaking of which, I think you should fill us all in so we know exactly what we’re dealing with,” Cash suggests.

So I do. I spend the next several minutes trying to summarize our relationship, only realizing more and more that every moment and hurdle we’ve faced together is the culmination of why I love her.

I should have fucking told her last night. Maybe if I had just said it, she would have been more reluctant to throw us away.

But then at the same time, I didn’t want to say those words for the first time in a moment like that out of desperation and anger. That’s not how I want her to know that I can’t live without her.

Once I get up to what happened last night, the men turn silent, except for Kane. “As a person who was a professional at pushing people away, I’d say that’s exactly what she’s doing. Something happened, man. Maybe it is related to your mom, but it sounds like there’s more to it. Sometimes there can be one moment in our lives that changes everything—our thoughts, our emotions, how we react to the world around us. That’s what happened to me, and it took Olivia to pull me out of that.”

“Same here,” Luke adds. “Rachel makes me feel alive again. After I lost Hannah, I didn’t think I’d ever look at life the same way. But she changed all of that. One person can alter your entire existence.”

“That’s what Jess has done for me. She’s opened up this entire world of possibilities that I always knew were there, but never really sought. I want to marry her, have kids with her. I’m so fucking committed to her that I can’t lose her, guys. What do I do?”

All the men—my friends that I never would have made had I not moved back home, the support system I never knew I was missing—they all share knowing looks before Cash clears his throat and he speaks.

“You keep fighting. You stay committed to her and what you feel you had. And you go after her and make her talk to you.”

“Is that what you did with Piper?”

He shakes his head. “No, but our story was a little different. She was facing a life-changing twist that she needed to process before she finally came back to me. However, in my defense, I was headed out to New York the same night she showed up on my doorstep.”

“Damn. That’s some next level romance shit, right there,” Ethan chides.

“I know. It was romantic as hell, especially because she was holding a box of Cheez Its.” Cash’s smile stretches a mile wide as Ethan and I look at each other like we must have missed something.

“Cash is obsessed with Cheez Its,” Cooper leans over and mutters.

“Okay. So do I go over there tonight?”

“NO!” They all shout in a resounding response.

“Fuck no, man. You’re way too wasted to do that right now. You need to have a clear mind in order to make your case and give her something she can’t say no to.”

“Well, shit. I have to work tomorrow.” I slouch back in my chair and pout. The guys get a pleasant laugh at my expense.

“She’ll appreciate it more if you’re sober,” Kane adds. “And then you lay it all on the line, man. Show her your devotion. When you find that woman you know is yours, do everything in your power to keep her. When men fall, we fall hard. We don’t tend to be up in our heads as much as women do, except for Luke, of course.” He throws his thumb in Luke’s direction.

“Fuck you, Kane. My situation was different, alright? And I made things right. Rachel is in my house right now waiting for me.”

Kane grins. “I know, man. I was just giving you shit.”

We spend the next hour talking about everything else besides my predicament with Jess because to me, the problem has been solved. There’s nothing more I can do at this point beside nurse my inevitable hangover tomorrow and then talk to her as soon as I get the chance.

The next morning I groan as I get out of bed and my head pounds with each step I take towards my kitchen. As my coffee brews, I notice a missed call from my mom and then it hits me when I look at the clock. My mother had her appointment today with Dr. Lexington to go over the latest scan results to determine the effects of her chemo.

My stomach coils now, not just from the remaining alcohol in my system, but the nerves of hearing the results. I was supposed to go with her, but my aunt took the responsibility and encouraged me to live a little last night. Overwhelming guilt resides in my chest now when I realize I really wanted to be there and I didn’t for my own selfish reasons—primarily, nursing a broken heart.

“Mom?” I say as soon as I hear her answer.

“It’s shrinking, Brooks! The cancer is shrinking!” She shouts through her tears and fuck if it doesn’t make mine flow as well.

I bite my lips as my eyes begin to sting. “Are you… are you serious, Mom?”

“Yes! It’s getting smaller, Brooks. The size, the count—the numbers are going down!” I hear my Aunt Liz scream for joy in the background.

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