Page 86 of Devoted

Chapter 27

Jess

“Do you think we have enough food?” My sister, Katelyn, scours the fridge, assessing our grocery haul.

“I think we’ll be fine. Besides, after surgery, I’ll be sleeping a lot for a few days and probably won’t have much of an appetite.” I push the new package of paper towels in the cupboard and then turn around to face her.

“I know, but I’m a stress eater. You’ll be sleeping and I’ll be shoving down my feelings with potato chips.”

The corner of my mouth tips up softly. Having my sister here is actually quite calming, even though I wish the circumstances surrounding her visit were different. When I called her and told her about my diagnosis, she insisted on being here for my surgery and the first few days of my recovery. She has to fly back to Portland at the end of the week, but by then, Piper and Rachel will take turns checking up on me. I feel guilty asking them to keep my cancer from Cash and Luke, but those guys gossip worse than the girls sometimes, and I want the fewest number of people to know as possible.

“I can put a lock on the fridge or cupboards for you if you feel like you’ll spiral out of control.”

She chuckles and then grows serious almost instantly. “I’m so scared, Jess.”

“Katelyn, it’s going to be fine. The surgery is very routine and the recovery shouldn’t be that bad. The only reason why I have to take so much time off of work is because I can’t lift over ten pounds. And then I have to start radiation soon after. That won’t be fun, and there are risks involved, but I don’t want this shit to come back.”

“I just can’t believe this,” she cracks. She’s been here all morning and I’ve been waiting for the breakdown. Apparently now it’s time, which means I’m going to crack too. “You’re so much younger than Mom was, Jess. All I keep thinking is what does that mean for me?”

“That means you keep examining yourself regularly. I’ve had to accept a lot of changes happening in my life in the past two weeks. But I think I’m making the right decision. And I will fight this. And heaven forbid you deal with this too, I will be by your side just like you are for me, okay?”

She steps forward and wraps her arms around me, pressing our bodies together. I feel her breasts push on mine, and for just a second, I memorize that feeling—our natural bodies, the parts that make us female, touching for one of the last times before I strip my body of the very part that is trying to kill me.

“I love you, Jess. I can’t lose you too.” Her tears soak through my t-shirt as mine hit her shoulder. My sister and I have always been close even though we fought constantly, but growing up has put distance between us in the past few years. Although I hate that this is happening, I’m grateful she took the time to be here with me. If anyone understands the fear of knowing you’ll develop this disease and then it actually happening, it’s her.

“I’m not going anywhere. I truly believe Mom gave me that sign when I needed it, Katelyn. She saved me. Who knows how bad it could have gotten if I hadn’t felt around my boobs that night.” It’s been on replay in my mind, especially as I contemplate what to tell Brooks. I know he’d want to be there by my side in a few days, but I don’t want to put that pressure on him. I love him, and yet I feel like that love is making me want to save him from feeling the pain of watching me go through this battle too. It’s bad enough that he’s experiencing it with his own mother like I did. I just want to prevent any more hurt coming his way if I can.

“Okay,” Katelyn says as we part. “I think we need to put a pizza and wings in the oven and then start a new series on Netflix or something. I need the distraction and I think you do too.”

“That sounds great.” As I turn to take the food out of the freezer, the doorbell rings. “Hey, can you get that?” I yell out to Katelyn who's already moved into the living room at this point.

“Sure. Are you expecting anyone?”

“No. Not really,” I answer, as I realize I haven’t checked my phone much today. Maybe someone was trying to get ahold of me and I didn’t know. Someone like…

“Hi. I’m Brooks. Who are you?” The voice of the man I’ve been avoiding like the plague comes through my small apartment and instantly makes my body tense, my heart beat frantically, and sweat start to bead on my forehead.

“I’m Katelyn. Who are you?”

“I’m Jess’s boyfriend. You’re her sister, aren’t you?”

“Guilty as charged. Everyone says we look a lot alike.”

“Yeah. The resemblance is strong. But it’s really nice to meet you. Um, is Jess here? I need to speak with her.”

“Nice to finally meet you too. She was right. You’re hot. And a doctor? Lucky girl.” She pauses as I wait for it. “Jess! Your boyfriend who you never told me about is here!”

“Shit,” I mumble before closing the freezer and making my way around the corner that separates the kitchen from the living room. And as soon as I see his face, I know this is not going to be a light-hearted conversation.

“She never told you about me?”

“No, I’m just kidding,” Katelyn laughs and then gives me a curious look. “I didn’t know we’d be expecting company tonight.”

“Neither did I,” I admit, almost frustratingly, but more defensively.

Silence falls between the three of us as my sister moves her eyes back and forth between Brooks and me. “Well, okay then. Seems you two need to talk and I need… a shower. Yes! I need a shower.” Katelyn moves towards me and widens her eyes before whispering, “Good luck.” I watch her walk down the hall and disappear into the second bedroom before I turn back to face Brooks. I was really hoping I’d be able to wait until after the surgery to confront him, but it seems he wasn’t going to take my limited communication any longer.

“Hi.”

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