Page 83 of Devoted

“Ugh. I love you two, you know that. But if you keep flaunting your love around me right now, I’ll be forced to stay in my room until further notice,” Rachel chastises them before placing her plate on the coffee table.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Rach.” Cash stands up and then walks over to her, pulling her up into a hug. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make him sorry he ever hurt you.”

“Oh, yeah?” She chuckles. “How?”

“Don’t worry about that.” He winks. “Just know some tough love is in order for my good friend, Luke.”

I can’t help but laugh at how assuring his voice is, almost like he has this brilliant plan to change Luke’s mind. And hey, you know what? I hope he does. I hope Cash does help Luke see how stupid he is to let a woman like Rachel slip through his fingers.

But is that what I’m planning to do to Brooks? Push away the perfect man I’ve been searching for and finally found?

No, this is different, I desperately try to convince myself silently. This is a matter of life and death. This is a matter of respecting the fact that he is already supporting his mother in her fight. He doesn’t need the burden of mine too.

Cash moves back over to Piper and brushes her hair from her face before he changes the subject. “I’m going to go to the gym and then probably swing by the retirement center to see Birdie. I don’t want to intrude on your ladies’ night, babe. Just text me when you girls are about to call it a night.”

“Sounds good. Be safe.” They kiss each other once more and then Cash grabs his gym bag and leaves us all alone.

Piper’s eyes zero in on mine. “Alright, Jess. Cash interrupted you, but now it’s time to talk.”

“What’s going on you two? I feel like I’m the last kid in school to know the latest gossip.” Rachel resumes her position on the couch as I brace myself to speak again.

“Rachel, I’m sorry that Luke broke up with you and fired you, sweetie. I truly am. You don’t deserve that. But there’s something going on in my life that I need to tell you. Piper already knows, but today I got more news.”

“Okay, you’re scaring me, Jess. What’s happening? Are you okay?”

I take a deep breath and then utter the words out loud for the first time. “I have stage zero breast cancer, which if you’re going to get breast cancer, that’s the one you want.”

Rachel gasps much like Piper did when I told her about the lump, but this time Piper actually lets out a small sigh of relief.

“Oh, my god. Jess…”

I hold my hand up as she starts to move closer. I don’t want to hug it out right now. I just need to keep going. “The lump is small and the cells haven’t spread, which is good. Dr. Lexington, the oncologist I’m seeing at the hospital, suggested a lumpectomy to remove it, but I’m opting for a double mastectomy.”

“What?” Piper interjects. “Why?”

“Because if we remove the lump, who’s to say it won’t return? I have the gene, Piper.” Then I turn to Rachel. “My mother died from breast cancer seven years ago. It was vicious and took her within four months of us finding out. I don’t want that to happen. So my breasts have to go.”

Rachel hangs her head in her hands as Piper starts to ugly cry. And as I watch them, my dam finally breaks, drops of salty water flowing freely from my eyes as I try to bat them away. “It’s going to be okay, girls. I’m going to be fine,” I say through clouded tears, hoping and praying that I’m right. I feel confident in my decision for treatment, but who knows what the future may hold.

“Are you—are you going to get implants?” Piper finally speaks.

I nod. “Yes. They are going to do it all at the same time. I have to take about four weeks off from work and then start radiation. But the good news is, no chemo.”

“I just—I can’t believe this, Jess. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” Rachel mutters.

“I always knew this was a possibility, but I didn’t think it would happen this early in my life. And now with Brooks…”

“Oh no! His mom,” Rachel realizes as Piper shakes her head at me.

“She thinks she needs to leave him, Rach. She doesn’t want him to have to stand by her side as well.”

“What?” Rachel turns back to me. “That’s bullshit. He loves you!”

“He hasn’t said the words, but deep down I think he does. And that’s just it. What if this comes back? What if it kills me too? His mom isn’t getting any better, although he should know for sure when they do new scans next week. But I don’t want him to watch his mother die like I did, heaven forbid, and then also have him wonder later on in his life if he would lose me too. It’s not fair to him.”

“Jess…” Rachel starts, but I cut her off.

“No. I have to let him go. I can’t tell him.”

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