Page 83 of Revived

“Lots of times. I got up to go pee, but you were on the couch with her and you guys were kissing.”

“Wow. Uh, why didn’t you say anything?”

And then my son peers up at me with those dark brown eyes, the same ones his mom used to use on me to get what she wanted. “Because I want Rachel to be my mommy, Daddy.”

I can’t help it, I choke on the emotion in my throat as my eyes well. “But you have a mommy, Grayson.”

“I know,” he mumbles while looking down at his lap. “But she’s my mommy in heaven. I need one on the earth too, Daddy. And I want Rachel to be her.”

The first tear falls as I move to brush it away. “You want Rachel to be your mommy?”

He nods and then looks up at me again. “Yeah. She’s fun and pretty. And she makes us smile. But you don’t smile anymore, Daddy. Not since she left. And I miss her. A lot.” His eyes start to well now, so I pull him in close to me, rubbing my palm along his back.

“I miss her too, buddy.”

“You just need to kiss her again, Daddy. And then everything will be okay.” I can’t help but chuckle silently at how simple my son thinks the world is. But then again, what if it is simple? What if I really have been making it more complicated than it needs to be this entire time?

She loves my kid. She loves me. What else is there? Can it really be as easy as just letting myself live in the present, knowing Hannah will now be my past?

I tuck my son in his bed, kissing his face before exiting his room and making my way over to mine. As I lie in bed and drift off to sleep, someone else helps me see the light, a visit in my dreams that puts everything into perspective.

“Hannah!” I throw my head back and scream into the sky, tears pouring from my eyes as Lenny wraps me in his arms and helps me to the ground. But the next few moments are all a blur as the sharpest pain I’ve ever felt radiates from my chest, blanketing me in a darkness I’ve never felt, and slicing through me with such precision, I don’t know what part of me hurts the worst.

“Hannah,” I sob, wiping my eyes at just the right moment to see the firemen move to place a yellow tarp over her body still situated in her seat, her head with closed eyes hanging lazily to the side of her neck out the window, her spine clearly broken, blood dripping down her face.

But it’s not Hannah this time. No. It’s Rachel—bleeding from the head and sitting there lifeless, as the same panic I felt before comes rushing back.

How did Rachel end up in the car? Where was she going? Why is Rachel dead now too?

“Luke…” A soft voice I haven’t heard in years pulls my eyes to the left.

She’s fuzzy as the soft glow of white light around her comes into focus, blinding me while my eyes try to adjust. And as they do, the woman I never thought I’d see again stands before me, her smile and face more gorgeous than I remember.

“Hannah?” I struggle to speak, standing from my knees on the ground, afraid to move in case she disappears while the commotion around me freezes.

“Hi, Luke. Jesus, it’s about time you didn’t fight waking up at this moment.” She rolls her eyes at me and then smiles, catching me off-guard.

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks, you know, before you did something stupid. Apparently, I’m too late.”

Standing there, slack-jawed, I can’t find any more words.

“Yeah, I kind of thought this is how this would play out. I know you’re confused, but I need you to listen to me. We don’t have much time, okay?”

“Hannah… God, I miss you.”

She tilts her head at me and smiles. “I miss you too, Luke. But I see you every day… you and Grayson. God, what an incredible boy we made, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s amazing. You watch us?” The red and blue flashing lights are still swirling around us, the scene of the accident still frozen in time while Hannah speaks.

“All the time. I’m just here, basking in how you’ve managed to handle all of this, proud of the father you are. Who would have thought I’d be the one to go so soon, huh?” She’s trying to joke with me, but all it does is remind me she’s not here.

“Hannah…”

“It’s okay to move on, Luke,” she whispers, reaching out for me. I swear, I can feel her hand in mine, even though I know this is all a dream.

“I don’t want to forget you.” Tears fall from my face now as the surrounding noise comes back louder.

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