Page 70 of Eternally Devoted

After I can sip some coffee and have a bite to eat, when we ride to the Oakcreek-Bluebell town line to get the next set of remains, I’ll be better. I’ll help.

Right now, I just need to shake the squeamish feeling in my gut.

Sterling pulls up bags, not coughing, gagging, or even showing a reaction a single time as he loads them into the tarp-lined burlap Juniper holds open. I glance between them, watching how focused they are, how neither of them budge.

I keep my eyes on Juniper, my heart thudding madly as she sweeps a piece of golden hair behind her ear, then uses hersleeve to wipe Sterl’s forehead free of sweat. He thanks her, and she smiles, and after he returns the smile, he looks my way, and smiles at me, too.

That’s when I realize.

It’s not just the bodies.

I mean, yeah, totally, a lot of my nerves come from the idea of facing more gross remains and worms and shit. But this crush I’ve had on Sterling… I’m realizing as I watch them together—it’s not just a crush. It’s not physical admiration or sexual curiosity, either.

I love Juniper.

But I love Sterling, too.

I am in love with both of them.

A loud bang sounds off somewhere behind us, and I twist to see Hudson Gray’s truck behind his property. When I look back at the oak, I see Juniper and Sterling working hard to back fill the hole, the rest of the remains bagged and knotted. I snap out of my haze and join in, and after the hole is filled, I take a side of the bag opposite Sterl and lift it into an empty drum behind the house. We load it into the bed of the truck as Juniper waits with our thermoses.

Sterl unscrews the lid and pours a capful, sipping it as he surveys the two drums in the truck. “We go to the town lines, then my sanitation plant, and get rid of these once and for all.”

Nerves snake my spine. My head grows fuzzy, and my knees buckle. I don’t know I’m falling, but I watch my black coffee scatter in beads along the hardpan beneath my feet before the wind knocks out of my chest and everything goes dark.

A moment later, or however long, I blink myself awake and find my head in Juniper’s lap, Sterling in a crouch next to me.

Concern lines his hazel eyes as he passes me a bottle of water. “Tell us,” he says, and that's all he says, and that’s all he needs to say. He’s known something was bothering me all morning,because we know each other. Juniper knew, too, in the way she rubbed my back and smiled gently, as if I was the weak link in the group.

I think I am.

“Just… I don’t know,” I lie. But the truth is, I’m embarrassed to admit that right now, I’m really fucking scared.

It’s been incredible with us lately, you know, despite the bodies, and today, I had an epiphany that I’m in love with a womananda man. That same woman and man who are my best friends. And we also have incriminated ourselves together, for which we could all, in theory, go to prison. Forever.

“The bodies?” Juni asks quietly. I peer up at her, hating the guilt lining her eyes. I don’t want her to feel bad about what’s already done, and as crazy as it sounds, I don’t fault her for what she did.

Not wanting to admit that I’m actually very afraid of loving and losing my two best friends, I nod. “Yeah. Just a little… I don’t know, nervous.”

“It’s gonna be okay, D,” Sterl says, resting his hand on my thigh. It doesn’t matter if there are old, rotted fingers and bones in a drum ten feet away. This man’s large hand swallowing up my thigh has my cock getting thick, and my senses returning. I sit up quickly, leaving Juniper’s safe, warm lap.

“Thanks. Sorry. I feel stupid for… passing out.” I will not say I fainted. And I will not acknowledge that this is my second time fainting.

“Do you want some applesauce?” she asks sweetly, stroking my leg.

“No,” I quip, trying not to be offended but I have no legs to stand on, what with fainting twice. Erm, passing out twice.

Juniper slips her hand into mine, curling her fingers into my palm. “C’mon. We’re gonna go get the rest and finish the job.Then it’s truly just something in the past, okay?” She rocks to her toes and kisses my cheek. “We’re almost ready for the future.”

The future.

When we’re not holed up waiting to dig up remains, what then? Do we just go back to bowling together a few times a week, having pizza and watching movies, but all returning to our own beds and homes? Is what we’re doing now borne from trauma and stress and will it all go back to normal when it’s over?

I can’t bear the idea.

I can’t handle going back to just friends with either of them.

Nodding, I smile and walk her to the truck where I open the door for her. She hops in, and I follow, and Sterling drives us to the town line. I take the reins this time, and dig up the last few bags, passing them to Juni who stuffs them in the second barrel, filling it. Sterling and I lift it back into the truck, then we head to his sanitation plant. The drive is silent, but my mind has never been so loud.

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