Page 71 of Eternally Devoted

Sterling won’t let Juniper or myself help with the barrels, despite the fact I argue with him. “I don’t want this just on you, in case anything happens. I want to be able to say it was the both of us who burned these barrels,” I tell him, heart racing, adrenaline pumping.

My heart nearly stops when he brings his hand to my neck, cupping it, his thumb resting along my jaw. “Stay with Juniper. She needs you right now.” The way his eyes bore into mine, that hand on my throat feels like a hand on my cock and a hug around my heart.

Nodding, I agree, and sit with Juniper on the tailgate. I’m not sure I know what he means about her needing me until hedisappears inside the building, the large metal doors opening to ominous shadowy darkness.

She lifts her gaze to mine, bottom lip trembling, and asks, “Why did I kill them? Why couldn’t I have just walked away?”

I don’t know how to answer, but heat flares behind my ribs when I realize Sterling could see in her eyes that she was on the brink. The same way Juniper knew, back at the oak tree, that I was on edge, about to lose it.

We know each other so well. Better than anyone else does or can, even Juniper’s sisters don’t know her like we do.

I waffle our fingers together, enjoying the way the last few days have silently given me permission to casually touch her. I bring our joined hands to my lips and dust kisses along her knuckles before holding them to my heart, letting her feel my rapid beating.

“Because you’re a kind, caring person who operates from love and morality. They treated you like nothing, and you snapped.”

“How can I operate from love and morality when I mapped out ways to murder them and went through with it?” She shakes her head. “I never let myself go to this place, the place where I cut the bullshit and realize there is no excuse for what I’ve done. Someone can be a jerk and not deserve to be murdered.” Her head falls. “It wasn’t all self-defense.”

I abandon our hand-holding in favor of stroking her back gently, pulling her head into my shoulder. A light breeze passes through, tossing her hair over her face. Leaning forward, stroking the hair back, I tuck it behind her ear as I continually rub her back, hoping to infuse her with calm the way she or Sterling does for me.

“They weren’t good humans, Juni. Okay? That’s all you have to tell yourself at this point. Forget the rest. They weren’t good people. Pedophiles, rapists, wife beaters—you didn’t murder any saints or pastors, okay? Remember that.” I pull her chin up andmake her face me. “I love you no matter what, Juniper. Did you know that?”

She sniffles. “I hoped.”

I kiss her lips, the salt of her shedding tears making my heart twist. “Don’t cry, Juniper,” I whisper softly. “It’s going to be okay.”

I hope I’m not lying to her. I hope the three of us will be okay.

She nods as the crunch of Sterling’s feet in the loose gravel have us spinning to face him. He dusts his hands along his thighs. “All done.”

Looking past him, I see the plant is locked up, dark plumes of smoke filtering out of the top. “The burnin’ is done. That’s just some extra shit I put in thereafter.”

He looks between us but catches my gaze. “Everything okay?”

I squeeze Juniper to me as we hop down from the tailgate. “We’re all good.”

We clamber into the truck as my pulse spikes. Sterling starts the engine, the scent of ash and soot trailing him, flooding the cab. I crack the window and lean toward the opening, trying to find a breath of fresh air. The truck rumbles down the bumpy road, and before I know it, Sterling’s door is open and Juniper is watching him lock the security gate on the sanitation compound.

About a mile down the road, I tell myself that I’m fine. I was just consoling Juniper, Sterling did the burning—I should be fine. Fuck, as it is, I already fainted.Twice.

I. Am. Fine.

Despite the fact I sit in the passenger seat completely motionless, my eyes set forward on the road tugging beneath the pickup, on the inside, pressure and panic are building at an alarming rate.

I should be thinking about the consequences of what we’ve done. I should be making a short list of lawyers in my mind. Ishould be thinking about my parents, and what I’ll say to them if I turn into a headline one day.

All I can think about are the two people in this cab with me.

Last night was too good to even pretend I can, or would, find a fraction of that level of connection somewhere else. I didn’t even know part of me was missing until last night.

My lungs burn and my throat grows tight, the corners of my vision blurring as my pulse picks up. Bracing my hands on the dashboard, I keep my eyes on the CHEVROLET logo beneath my thumb as I calmly say, “Pull over.”

My request is muffled by wind whipping in through the cracked window, the AC, and the quiet radio lulling in the background. “Pull over,” I manage as a bead of sweat swims down the crevasse between my shoulder blades, making my shirt stick to my skin.

“You all right?” Sterl asks as he and Juniper both blink at me.

I motion toward the shoulder of the road as he slows, and use my bodyweight against the door, hopping out before we’ve completely stopped.

It’s quiet out here on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and yet, I can hardly hear Sterling as he tells Juniper to stay put. I wade out into the tall grass, both hands pulling at my neck as I suck in deep lungfuls of air, chin lifted to the sky.

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