Page 54 of Eternally Devoted

Being that peripheral buddy… that’s what felt logical, right even.

Knowing what’s on the table, though.

I can’t even believe it.

Pushing the door open, I spot Juniper at the kitchen sink, a glass of water wobbly in her grip. She faces me, eyes rimmed with red, a shaky smile barely hanging on.

The door swings shut behind me as I rush to her, holding her in a way that I thought I never would just weeks ago. Now, though, not comforting her this way feels wrong. Not holding her when she’s hurting feels like a sin. And it’s since her confessions, not since any of the physical stuff. As dark as her truths are, her sharing brought us together emotionally in ways I can’t explain.

After a long hug, she peels off me as I ask, “What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head as if she needs a second, sniffling and wiping her eyes. My stomach lurches at the prospect that she could bring up the conversation we had earlier.

I’m not ready to talk about that. I don’t know what to say. In fact, as I stroke my hand up Juniper’s back, I cringe when I recall what I said in the moment. I told Dash he’s not gay.

I told Dash he’s not gay? Why did I say that? Juniper looks up at me. “I’m just nervous to revisit everything today,” she finally says. “And ashamed. Ashamed that I did these bad, bad things.”

I swipe at her tears. “We’ll be with you the whole time, so if you feel anxious or upset, we’ll handle it together, okay?” I nod, turning to lock up so we can head out, but she steals my wrist, halting me.

I look down at my sneakers, feeling hot and uncomfortable in my jeans and sweatshirt. “What’s up?” I ask, infusing my tone with a calm I don’t feel, my stomach still in knots at being confronted about that conversation earlier. I grab a baseball hat from the counter and tug it down, smoothing my fingertips along the edges of hair that pokes out. Her hand stays out even though I’ve tugged mine back.

“I don’t want to get caught,” she whispers, staring at her empty hand. Well, now I feel like an asshole for pulling away.

Resting my hands on her shoulders, I say, “Hey, bad girl, look at me.” Her gaze rises to mine. “When was the first? The very first guy, when did you say that was?”

“Years ago. Four plus,” she says quickly, her eyes searching mine. She wants relief from her worry, and I’m about to give it to her.

“Okay, so in the last four years, there’s not been a single peep about any of these guys. So don’t worry, okay? If you haven’t been caught so far, you won’t get caught now.”

She nods, reassuring herself, wiping beneath her nose. “And Dash is a cop, so he’ll be extra helpful on the cleanup.”

I nod. “Right. So, see? It’s going to be okay.”

Juniper nods again. “And you’re the sanitation king. You’ll know just how to dispose of everything we collect.”

Bobbing my head I say, “Garbage God, that’s me.”

She chuckles, and the joke at my expense was worth every hearty note of her laughter.

“It’s going to be okay. All right?” I press my lips to her forehead, my heart throbbing at the notion.

Dash opens his bedroom door, showered and dressed, and ironically wearing a baseball hat too. Not awkward in the slightest and acting as if he didn’t just expose himself to me only to be ignored, he smiles and points at my head. “Great minds.”

I shrug. “On TV when people are going to do nefarious things, they usually dress like this.” I stick out my arms and let them take in my black jeans and black hoodie.

“Yeah, but that’s, like, in style now,” Juniper says, reaching out to pluck a piece of lint off me.

“Is it?” Dash asks, cocking his head. “I don’t think it’s in style, he just makes it look good.” His eyes come to mine as my throat clogs and sweat breaks out along my forehead, beneath my cap. “Why are you upset?” he asks Juniper, veering the flirtation to safety, back on course.

Thank God. I had no idea what I was going to say to that.

She waves his question off. “Just nervous but Sterl reassured me.” She outstretches her arms. “Group hug before we go.”

We crush together the way we always hug after bowling, only now, it feels different.

It feelspossible.

Juniper sits in between us as we drive through town, headed toward her place. She wants to check in at home, see if Ivy or Dolly came by, and then we’re onto cleanup.

---