Page 73 of The War and Deceit Series omnibus

Taking a deep breath, I turn around and see that he’s watching me carefully.

“I’m leaving.”

His words hit me like a physical blow. I had known this might be a possibility, I had been talking about it only this afternoon, but he had been so adamant that he wasn’t going that I thought he would just keep refusing.

“When do you go?” My voice is tight, and I know it sounds like I’m mad at him. I’m not, but I don’t know how to express my feelings. He’s still watching me, like he’s waiting for me to say something in particular.

“I’m not sure. Probably in the morning.”

So soon. My chest feels tight, and there are so many things I want to say, but none of them come out.

“How long will you be gone for?”

Why do I sound so formal? Tell him how you feel, tell him you don’t want him to go,my inner voice screams at me, that fragile connection between us practically vibrating.

“I don’t know. Hopefully not long.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he watches me. “I don’t want to leave you, but the only way to keep you safe is to stop everything that’s going on here, and for that, I have to go.”

I’m being selfish. I want him to stay because I’ll miss him, but he needs to go for the good of the people who live here. His journey will save so many lives in the long run, yet that doesn’t stop the tightness in my chest or the fact it’s difficult to breathe.

“Okay, well...” My throat constricts and I have to take a sip of my drink before I can continue. “Safe journey.”

I can’t be here right now. I need to go somewhere quiet so I can sort through my feelings where he’s not watching me.Slipping out of my chair, I start to leave without looking at him. I know I’m probably being childish, but if I look at him, I’m not sure what I’ll do or say to him. I would hate for our last words before he leaves to be in anger.

“Clarissa, wait.”

I freeze like he’s thrown a spell at me that stops my movements, but I know he hasn’t, I would feel that.

“I didn’t want to go, I tried everything to stay. I even tried to convince them to let you come with us, but they refused. It’s not safe.”

I know what he’s thinking, that it’s not safe here either, but I understand their reasoning. His earlier comment from this morning plays over in my head, about how it would be a death sentence where they were going without magic. Besides, I would only slow them down. I’ve never ridden a horse and bringing a carriage would be too slow, this journey needs to be fast.

“I understand,” I say as I stare at the door, my back still facing him. I can feel him moving closer, until the heat of his body is radiating against me.

How did I know he was walking towards me?I question. No normal person should know that, but it’s like there’s a piece of string between us, and as he gets closer, that string gets shortened. I know it has to do with this connection between us, but for some reason, it’s much stronger that it usually is.Because he’s closer to me? Because I’m upset?I theorise, but all of a sudden, I want to be looking at him. Turning, I glance up so I can see his face.

“This is important, you need to go,” I assure him, even giving him a small smile for good measure. I don’t want him feeling guilty because I was being selfish. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

“That’s impossible,” he whispers, his intense gaze on my face, and for some reason my cheeks flush. He raises his hand andbrushes his fingers gently across my now reddened cheeks. “I’m sorry I was so harsh earlier. I will always worry about you.”

“Because the Mother sent you that vision?” I phrase it as a question, but I say it like a statement. The only reason Grayson is in my life is because of the Great Mother. I know that and I’ve accepted it, but that doesn’t help the little sting of pain that follows.

You are an obligation to him, nothing more.The familiar, nagging doubt flits around my head, reminding me of my place.

“No. Maybe at the start, but ever since I met you, got to know you as a person...” He trails off and shakes his head. “I care for you, Clarissa,” he tells me, and a little seed of hope, no matter how foolish, blooms in my chest.

“I care for you too, Grayson. You and Jayne are the closest thing I have to family.”

“No—I...” He makes a noise of frustration and turns away, pacing the small space in the room. I watch him with confusion. I’ve never seen him so worked up before. “I know a little of what your life was like before this, and I know there is an age difference between us, so I’m trying not to overwhelm you.”

Is he trying to say what I think he is?

“Grayson…”

My voice trails off when I see the determined expression on his face—he’s decided something. Striding towards me, he stops a hairsbreadth away from me, our bodies almost touching. Slowly, so I can see what he’s doing, he reaches up and cups my cheek again, but this time, he leans down and presses his lips against mine. I freeze for a moment, unsure what to do—this is Grayson! But as the heat from his body reaches me, and his lips slowly start moving against mine, I return his kiss, and my stomach explodes into butterflies. Now that I’m responding to him, he deepens the kiss, wrapping his free hand around my waist so our bodies are pressed together. Desire flares insideme, more than I’ve ever felt before, and before I realise what I’m doing, I take his bottom lip between my teeth and gently bite down. He groans into my mouth and pulls away, breathing heavily.

“Sorry,” I blurt out, sure I’ve hurt him or that he didn’t like it. He just laughs and leans back against the table, running a hand through his hair.

“Never apologise. It should be me saying sorry.”

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