Page 67 of The Break Out

“I’m actually seeing someone too.” I cringe because I don’t think that’s what this is, but I’m not going into more detail.

“Yeah? Who is he?”

“He, uh, hah, well get this,” I hesitate, “he’s one of Brent’s teammates.”

Bryson is quiet on the other end of the phone, and I want to take it back. Tell him I was kidding or something.

“Does Brent know?” he finally asks, and his voice was so low he actually sounded like our oldest brother for a second.

“Not exactly.”

I don’t know what I expected, but the last thing was for him to laugh. Yet, that’s exactly what happens and not just a little laugh. No, like hysterical, gut clenching laughter. “What I wouldn’t give to see how that goes over when you tell him.”

“If it gets you to come here then maybe I will,” I grumble.

His laughter finally subsides. “Seriously, though, Brent is going to lose his shit.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, okay, thanks for that. It’s nothing serious so he doesn’t need to know.”

“Whatever you say, sis.”

“Have you heard from Bailey?” I ask as a change of subject.

“Just a text once in a while. I doubt she will be around for Christmas either.”

I sigh. “I know.”

“Hey, I’ll try to come visit, okay?”

“Okay.”

We say goodbye after a couple more minutes of generalcheck in and I’m glad he called me, but part of me still feels extra lonely not even knowing my brother was dating someone. Add in the fact that he hasn’t come to meet Evie yet.

I’m hit with a memory that I suppressed like most of my childhood.

“Do you think it’ll always be like this?” I ask Bailey one night as we lay in our shared twin bed.

Brent and Brandon got into it again, but Brandon seemed different. He was talking weird, and he’s lost a lot of weight. He looks like one of those skeleton Halloween decorations.

“No, I think it’ll get better when we are all grown-ups,” Bailey replies softly.

Brent told us he has to go away because he got a hockey contract. I don’t know what that means since he plays hockey here, I don’t know why he has to go away to do that. But he said he will be making money doing it. A lot of money. And will take care of us.

Bryson will help take care of us like Brent has. Which is why he and Brandon had another fight.

Bailey and I tried to hide, but they were so loud, and our trailer is so small, we can’t go far.

“When we are grown-ups can we all be together? I don’t want everyone to leave like Brent is.” My eyes start to fill with tears thinking of our oldest brother having to go away.

“We will. The Collee’s will always stick together, we all help take care of each other,” Baileysays firmly.

I nod, wiping my eyes.

At that moment I believed her. Now, we’re adults and I’ve realized what a fucking lie it was. Of course, at the time I was only eleven and Bailey was thirteen so we didn’t know any better.

Yet, now, the Collee’s are the furthest thing from together and at the end of the day all I want is something I’ve never really had.

A family.

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