Page 34 of Boss With Benefits

It would soon stop, she assured herself as she arrived back home after an hour on the treadmill. She was sure of it. At least she hoped it would. Because what choice did she have but to forget about him and forge ahead? It wasn’t as if he was suddenly going to appear right in front of her and declare his undying love for her. Heaven forbid.

Keys in hand, determined to fill the rest of the holiday with something productive, whatever that might be, Ella stepped out of the lift onto the fourth floor of her building—and froze. Adam was pushing himself off the window sill outside her condo as if he’d been waiting for her, as if she’d conjured him up just by thinking about him.

Her heart stopped. Her breath caught in her throat. Her vision blurred and her head swam, and for a second, all those defences she’d built to protect herself trembled because it had been so damn long and she felt like someone dying of thirst coming face to face with a glass of water. But she kept them in place. She steeled herself to stay calm and held at bay the emotions she could feel trying to muscle their way in. She’d been vulnerable before him once and he’d crushed her. She would not allow that to happen again.

‘What are you doing here?’ she said coolly, noting that he looked tired and drawn but stamping out the urge to take him in her arms and smooth away the lines, because how he looked was none of her concern, and he didn’t deserve her care anyway.

‘I’ve been travelling,’ he said gruffly. ‘I came straight from the airport. Can we go inside?’

Absolutely not. She couldn’t have him in her apartment. Even if she physically got him out, the memory of him in her space, space which she’d worked so hard for, would be unbearable. ‘No.’

He frowned. Rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, then gave a short nod and cleared his throat. ‘Right,’ he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans and locking his gaze on hers. ‘Then I’ll just have to do this out here.’

She ignored the slow burn of heat that looking into his eyes always generated and lifted her chin. ‘Do what?’

‘How have you been?’

Was that why he’d come? To enquire into her well-being? Surely a phone call would have sufficed. Not that she’d have answered it. ‘I could not have been better.’

‘Promotion going well?’

‘I resigned.’

He went very still. ‘What did they do?’

‘Theydid nothing. I just kept thinking about how they treated me and decided that it wasn’t good enough. It was less than I deserve.’

‘That was brave,’ he said, a glimmer of what could have been admiration lighting the depths of his mesmerising blue eyes, although what did she care? It mattered not one little bit what he thought of her decision. ‘I have contacts if you need them.’

‘I have plenty of my own.’

‘Of course you do.’

For a moment, he just looked at her intently, as if trying to get a glimpse into her soul. Her heart thudded heavily, and a flurry of jitters flitted around her stomach, which was not how she wanted to feel, so she blinked to break the connection and pulled her shoulders back. ‘What do you want, Adam?’

He hauled one hand out of his pocket and shoved it through his hair. Then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and she might have thought he was nervous if how he was feeling was of any consequence, which it wasn’t. ‘First of all,’ he said with another quick clear of his throat. ‘I need to apologise for what I said to you by the pool just before you left the Caribbean.It was unacceptable and cruel. I was thrown off balance by the photo. It triggered a reaction I’m not proud of. I’m sorry.’

Ella’s heart skipped a beat, but her guard remained up because an apology was the least he could give her. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she replied with a shrug that didn’t feel quite as casual as it should. ‘I was thrown off balance, too. We both said things we regret. Forget it. I have.’

He stilled. Frowned. A muscle jumped in his cheek. ‘Have you?’

She gave a short nod. ‘Oh, yes,’ she said firmly. ‘Totally. I really don’t know what I was thinking. Perhaps I was suffering from sunstroke. Anyway, it’s all water under the bridge, right?’

‘No,’ he said, taking a step towards her, a move that enveloped her in his scent and would have made her swoon if she’d let it. ‘It’s not all water under the bridge. And it’s not right at all. Although you were. You were bang on. About everything. Idon’tbuy private jets or arrange romantic dinners on the beach for anyone. I’venevercompromised my principles for an affair. I’ve only ever done those things for you. I am in love with you. I think I have been since the moment we met. You are the strongest, most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You frustrate me, you challenge me, you thrill me, and I want you in my life forever.’

Ella’s heart crashed against her ribs and then began to gallop. But she must not weaken. She must not give rein to the emotions battering at her defences. She must not let him crush her again. ‘Yet you hurt me,’ she said, her voice nevertheless cracking. ‘Badly. I told you I loved you and you denied it. You took something I told you, something personal, and turned it back on me.’

A flash of anguish sped across his face. ‘I know,’ he said, as earnest as she’d ever seen him. ‘And I’m sorry. I was spooked and lashed out, and I deeply regret it. The thing is, Ella, eversince my mother died, I’ve feared losing control. I’ve always believed that without it, I’d cause the sort of chaos my father did. That night in the bar, you stripped me of it. I immediately reverted to type, acting without a thought for the consequences. You continued to remind me of the recklessness I am capable of, and I resisted that. The photo did too, and I reacted in the worst way possible.’

‘So you got scared.’

He nodded. ‘Yes.’

‘That’s no excuse.’

‘I know,’ he said, his tone filled with remorse. ‘I have no excuse for any of it. But your take on my feelings for you wasn’t the only thing you were right about. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. And I’ve realised that Idoneed to let go of the control and the guilt that have kept me trapped in the past. I am not my father’s son. I build things, not destroy them. And whatever my role in my mother’s death, I’ll never know for sure.’

His steady gaze continued to hold hers. ‘I don’t want to carry on living like this. I want to be free of it all. So this morning, I withdrew from the bet. I don’t need Montague’s. I don’t need redemption any more. I don’t need anything but you. If you’ll have me. If I haven’t screwed this up for good.’ He stopped, his breathing a little shallow, a faint flush tingeing his cheekbones. ‘Have I done that, Ella? Do you still love me? Or have I killed any feelings you had for me stone dead?’

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