Page 20 of The Widow and the Orcs

Oh.Therelief dipped and swirled, shudderingLouisacloser against him.Herhand slipping back over his shoulder, feeling the solid strength of him beneath his tunic, while her other hand shivered and tingled beneath his slow, sweet kisses.Kissesthat were now trailing up her wrist, up to her sleeve —

Louisashuddered again, her eyes fluttering — and in another wild flash of desperate compulsion, she yanked at the sleeve, at the dress.Undoingthe buttons, jerking the dress up and off over her head, and tossing it away.Leavingher clad in only her flimsy shift, straddling an orc’s lap, anorc—

Butthe orc was staring again, and — groaning.Groaning, inhaling deep, as his hungry kisses foundLouisa’sbare shoulder, scattering out furious flares of sensation and heat.Buthis hands still weren’t touching her, they were clamped to tight fists at his sides, as if trying to keep away from her —

AndLouisawas losing her mind, she was, as she gripped his heavy hand, and yanked it to her hip.Toexactly the same place he’d touched her earlier — yes — and this time, she moaned as his fingers settled soft and possessive, and his other hand carefully came to her other hip, too.Slowlyspreading wider, and then drawing her closer.Wantingmore.

Itwas too easy to comply, to hitch forward on his lap, deeper into his warm solid strength.Intowhere his hot mouth was now kissing further up her shoulder, and she ducked her face into his neck, inhaling deep.Gods, he smelled so good, sweet and musky and masculine, and his hands felt so good too, now tentatively stroking up her back.Whilesomething large and rigid swelled against the front of his trousers, againstLouisa’sown too-close groin, and she gasped at the feel of it, the truth of it.Andthen quivered all over as his hot mouth settled into the crook of her shoulder, his kisses deepening, until —

Somethingsharp.Teeth.Scrapingagainst her skin.AndLouisaagain couldn’t control the startled jerk of shock, the roll of churning panic in her belly.Thesilent shouting screeching of no, danger, run,LordScall—

Butwait, no, it was just him, justUlfarr— but he’d already yanked backwards too.Thathunted look flashing back through his eyes, his hands snapping away from her.Andno, no, no,Louisa’sown hands were fluttering at his face, needing him to stay, to stop looking like that, please —

“It’sfine,” she gasped. “Really, it is.Iliked it.”

ButUlfarrstill looked uneasy, afraid, his eyes shifting miserably on her face.Anddamn it,Louisacouldn’t keep making this worse, and she hauled in a shallow breath, and attempted another smile toward him.Holdingthe smile as brightly as she could, though she knew it didn’t reach her eyes.

“PerhapsIcould just — touch you, then?” she ventured, desperately working to keep her voice light. “Ifyou’d… be comfortable with that?”

Ulfarr’snod was jerky, instant, and that was surely relief in his eyes — soLouisalet out a shaky breath, and just began… touching.Slidingher hands over his broad shoulders, and then down his arms, smoothing over the coarse fabric of his tunic.

Hedidn’t betray even a twitch, his eyes fixed onLouisa’sface, so she kept stroking, kept her movements slow and careful.Learningthe size and strength of his powerful arms, his solid shoulders, his firm upper chest.Andthen the smooth skin of his neck, the rasp of stubble on his taut jaw, even the puffy mangled mess of his ear.

“Thislooks — painful,” she murmured, as she gently traced a finger up to the ear’s pointed tip. “Doesit hurt?”

Ulfarrshook his head, wincing as the movement poked his ear at her finger. “No,” he said, rough. “Notnow.”

Notnow.Suggestingthat it had hurt, at one point, andLouisacompulsively bent closer to his ear, so she could… kiss it.Thetouch of lips brief, only for a breath, butUlfarrstill shuddered beneath it, his lashes fluttering.Asif… as if he liked it.

Andthat was something, something to help them find their way again, please — soLouisakissed his ear again, as her hands slowly, tentatively traced back down his front.Overwhere she could feel the rigid jut of his nipples, hard beneath his tunic, and the relative softness of his thick belly.Andthen down, down, toward his trousers, toward…

Hertrembling hand brushed over his groin, so light as to almost not be a touch at all — but then her fingers spasmed, her eyes snapping downwards, as a sharp, sudden misery fired deep into her chest.

Becausehe was… soft.Slack.Uninterested.Uninterestedin the half-dressed woman touching him, kissing him, welcoming him into her bed.

Oh.Oh, gods.Theheat was already swarmingLouisa’sface, as the bitter memories ofLordScallkicked and surged, sweeping dark and devastating behind her eyes.It’snot my fault, is it?he would demand at her, his sharp voice breaking.Ifyou’d dressed nicer, if you took more time on your looks, this wouldn’t be a problem —

Butback then,Louisahadtaken the time.She’dfollowed fashions and dressmakers, she’d outfitted herself as well as she could, she’d curled her hair, buffed her fingernails, worn costly cosmetics and jewels — and she’d been a dozen years younger, too.Whereasnow, she was here in a shabby old shift, with her scarred body and silver-streaked hair, foolishly trying to seduce an orc who was —

Graspingher hand.Squeezingit tight, and roughly yanking it back to his mouth.Kissingit again, oh, with just as much frantic urgency as she felt. “Forgiveme,Louisa,” he croaked. “Ionly — cannot always control this, ach?Itis not —”

Hisbreath heaved powerfully through his chest, his eyes glimmering with shame, with misery.Asif he truly regretted this, as if he wanted to stay, to keep trying.Andhe wasn’tLordScall, he wasn’t, she needed to forgetLordScall,LordScallwasdead—

Louisadesperately fought for breath, for clarity, please, please.Andshe managed a jerky nod, and even another empty pasted smile on her mouth, as she gave a dismissive wave of her hand.

“It’sabsolutely fine,” she said, too quickly. “Notrouble whatsoever at all.Andhey” — her voice rose as her blinking eyes suddenly caught sight of a familiar item on the bed — “we can always use that if we need it, can’t we?”

Itwas that huge, obscene stone replica, still lying there innocuously on the blanket, just whereUlfarrmust have left it, afterKillikhad given it to him.AndLouisahad only meant it as a reassurance, or perhaps a joke, anything to make this disaster better, please —

Butit had been stupid, so stupid, because the instantUlfarrglanced toward the stone, his big body — flinched.Froze.Thecolour fully fading from his face, the light draining from his eyes.Makinghim look haggard, almost ill, as his throat convulsed, his mouth painfully contorting, as if —

Asif he was about to be sick.AsifLouisahad gone and kicked him in the groin, too, and then stood back, and pointed, and laughed.

“I’m— sorry,” she gulped, whipping her head back and forth. “Ididn’t mean — it was only a —”

Butit was too late, becauseUlfarr’shand clapped against his mouth, his body lurching sideways, up, away.Offthe bed entirely, oh gods, he was — he couldn’t —

“Forgiveme,” he rasped, without looking at her, his voice muffled from his hand still over his mouth. “I— cannot.Iam… sorry.”

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