Page 43 of Timeless: Encore

“Yeah.” I actually don’t know what I mean. I hope my mom will fill in the blanks.

”Oh, jeez.” She lies back against the cushion. She flings her arm across her eyes. “Sometimes I wonder why I was so fucking transparent with you about sex. I blame it on the fact that I was just a baby when I had you. I grew up when you did.”

I don’t say a word. I just look at her until she moves her arm and sees me staring.

“Fine. You want to know? I’ll tell you.” My mom doesn’t stop her stream of consciousness for a long time. She tells many stories I hadn’t heard before. Her move to Seattle. Life at the ballet company. How free she felt living on her own. All about Carter. How they met. How their relationship evolved. Answers my questions.

It’s a lot of information.

I’m overwhelmed.

“It’s always been Carter for me. Me for Carter. Just like it’s always been Fiona for you and you for her.” Her voice is soft and loving. Just like I remember when she explained how Carter was a drug addict and what that meant.

“It’s not the same …” I protest.

She grips my wrist. “No, it’s not for one very important reason. Carter made choices that were not safe for me or for you, and I had to sever ties. Not completely, because he’s your dad. It took eons for us to be friends again. Remember how surprised you were that he and I spoke at night when you lived with him?”

“Yeah. You told me when I visited you in New York after that summer. Remember? I asked if I could live with him.”

“Yes.” She brushes a hair from my face. “And westillkept in touch from that point forward. Throughout high school, of course. And after. Mainly, for me, it was to talk about you. How amazing you were. LTZ. The tour. All of it.”

I squint at her, confused. “You and I talk all the time, I told you all that stuff.”

“You did.”

”And you’re telling me you talked to Carter too?”

“I did.”

“So, are you sleeping with him? You’re implying its none of my business, I know. But, maybe it kinda is.” I wince. No one should ever ask their mom about her sex life. Then again, not many people are as close with their mom as I am.

“Yes. On and off for years.” She looks at me somewhat furtively.

It’s like a bullet to my heart. “Wait. What? What the fuck?” I sit straight up. I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate.

“We slept together after your high school graduation. As I said, on and off ever since.” She manages to keep eye contact with me, though I can tell this conversation is painful. Maybe embarrassing. Well, for both of us.

“So, you’re telling me you’ve been together for years? Didn’t you think I might need to know this information? I hate lies.” I shout so loud our neighbors could hear through the walls.

Her entire face reddens. “Uh, no. I didn’t. Because we weren’t together. We’re not together now.”

“Oh God. My mom and dad areFWB. Why the fuck did I even ask?” I squeeze my eyes shut and put my hands on my ears. “That’s evenworse. I cannot believe my mother has been hooking up with my dad for years and I had no fucking clue. I’m such a fuckingidiot.”

When I open my eyes again, she’s regarding me thoughtfully. “Zane, you have been an adult making your own decisions for over a decade. Immersed in your own triumphs. Heartbreaks. Successes. Problems. Do you think I’d ever dump my own shit on you? Burden you with it? Of course I wouldn’t. My job is to be your mother. To beyoursupport system, no matter what.” She takes my cheeks in her hand and looks me dead in the eye.“I take care of you.Just like my own mom takes care of me. Just like you’ll take care of Mia. And any other children you and Fiona have. Do you get it?”

I just look at her. Absorbing.

She releases me. “Let me be clear. You do not need to worry about me. Whatever is going on with your dad and I is our business. I know it affects you, but I can assure you we are not a couple. You’ll be the first to know if and when that happens.”

“It’s tough to comprehend. I’m just being honest.” I feel strangely emotional. I want my mom to be happy, but it seems to me that she and Carter are in a constant state of flux. “Carter hasn’t been with anyone that I know of since I moved in with him. I’m sad he’s alone. He shouldn’t be. Neither should you.”

She nods. The tears well up again. “You’re right.”

“Look, I’ll try to stay out of it. This is a lot to take in. We’ve been talking for hours, do you want to come with me to pick up Mia? Maybe we can pop in on Fee and you can see how Gus is coming along. It’s been a long time.” I stand and hold my hand out to her.

She allows me to pull her up. We hug for a long, long time. I love my mom so much. Adulting is hard. Sometimes I forget that she’s just doing the best she can. It’s time to take her off the pedestal I’ve put her on and have a real relationship with her. Like I do with my dad. Or, at least like I thought I had with my dad.

It occurs to me that Carter has protected my mom’s honor for years.

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