Page 19 of Signs and Signals

“Indya Sterling. She lives with Amara Sinclair. Is this the right apartment? If not, could you buzz me in so I can knock on their door?”

“Sir, I don’t know those names, and I'm sure as fuck not buzzing you in. There are women and children in this building, and I have no idea who you are or what you want. So how about you just—”

A familiar voice interrupts, “Amara, behave. At least let him in before you start messing with him. Please, Amara, give him a chance. I really like him, and I don’t want him running off before he meets my family.”

That voice I recognize. Indya just confirmed I had the right apartment, but she’s talking to Amara like no one else can hear her. When laughter comes through the intercom instead of pleading, I can’t help but smile. I try to keep my lips pressed together, but it’s difficult. I shake my head, knowing tonight is going to be interesting.

“So, you know you still haven’t buzzed him in yet, right?” Amara is about to prove my suspicion right—Indya had no idea I could hear every word she said. But she shouldn’t be embarrassed; from where I’m standing, her words were perfect. Now I know for sure how she feels about me. I must have zoned out replaying her words, because I hear my name coming from the speaker.

“Yeah, hey, sorry, I must have zoned out for a minute. Are you going to buzz me in?”

There was no response from the intercom, just the buzz of the door unlocking. Not wanting to waste any more time, I stepped inside and made my way to the second floor. The hallway was dimly lit, with the faint scent of fresh paint lingering in the air. I stopped in front of 4B, where a welcome mat spelled out “welcome” in sign language. The mat felt rough under my shoes, a small but comforting detail.

I took a deep breath, the cool air filling my lungs, and let it out slowly.Get it together you pussy, let’s sack up and make her friend like you, because if the bff hates your guts, you arefucked. You don’t want to lose the girl; we want to fucking keep the girl—forever.After calming myself with a mental pep talk, I raised my hand and knocked firmly on the door, the sound echoing slightly in the quiet corridor.

Chapter Ten

Indya

“So, you know you still haven’t buzzed him in yet, right?” The color drains from my face, please tell me I just misheard what she said. I meet Amara’s eyes; I can see the excitement mixed in with the worry. I think back to what I was saying, fuck me, I admitted that I liked him, well, more than I think he realized. I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe that I did not realize her finger was still on the speaker box.

“It’s okay to like him more than a little, Indya. You’ve told me he’s unlike anyone you’ve ever met, and that’s a good thing. I don’t think he’ll bring it up when he gets here. He seems too kind and into you for that,” Amara says, trying to comfort me before Atlas arrives.

Why at door, mama?Haven asks, her big eyes full of curiosity.

Oh no. I just realized I’m not going to have time to be embarrassed. I’m going to be anything but embarrassed. Atlas thinks he’s coming to dinner just to meet Amara, but I wanted to introduce him to both Amara and Haven. I’m not sure how he’s going to react to me having a four-year-old child, but I hope he understands why I waited so long to tell him.

Remember when I told you I wanted you to meet my friend Atlas? We just buzzed him up, so he should be knocking any moment. Are you excited to meet a new friend?

I’ve always promised myself to be honest with Haven about everything. When I mentioned meeting someone, the first thing she asked was, “Is he your prince?” I laughed, shaking my head, and then attacked her little belly with tickles. Haven squirmed all over, her smile lighting up the room. What really pulls at my heartstrings are the slight noises she makes when she laughs hard. It’s not like a typical laugh; it’s deep and husky, warming and comforting.

The first time I heard her laugh, I cried for hours, on and off. Not every child born deaf and mute makes sounds when laughing. You can see the joy on their faces and their shoulders bouncing, but no sound. Haven’s laugh is my absolute, all-time favorite sound in the world.

Haven nods, bouncing on her little toes. She’s petite for her age, and though she’s healthy, her doctor says she’s in the lower percentile for weight and height. But she’s exactly where she needs to be intellectually, physically, and emotionally. She’s just petite.

The knocks echo through the apartment, each one sending a jolt straight to my heart. My pulse quickens, a mix of anticipation and nerves. I glance at Amara, who gives me a reassuring smile before opening the door.

And there he is, all six-foot-two of him, standing in the doorway like a dream come to life. Lord have mercy, he’s a beautiful man. His dark hair falls perfectly, framing his jade green eyes that seem to pierce right through me. Those dimples, oh those dimples, they do something to my body, mind, and soul that I can’t control.

Our eyes meet—his green to my light blue—and it’s like an electric current surges through me. My breath catches, andI feel a warmth spread from my chest to the tips of my fingers. He’s not even touching me, yet I feel him everywhere, as if his presence alone is enough to set my entire being alight.

Amara introduces herself while signing, and Atlas tilts his head, unsure why she’s signing and talking simultaneously. She welcomes him into our home, closing the door behind them. Atlas introduces himself to Amara, saying he’s heard so much about her that he feels like he’s known her for years.

Atlas’s eyes leave mine only for a moment during the introductions. Once the pleasantries are over, his gaze returns, the warmth of his stare running through me. Then he looks next to me, his eyes widening. He hasn’t even said hello to me yet, and now he looks shocked, as if he might pass out. Amara stands on the other side of Haven, nestling her safely between us, as always.

When I decide to speak, I do so without signing, just in case he doesn’t take my having a daughter well and wants to flee. I don’t want Haven thinking he’s something he’s not. “Atlas, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Haven. She’s four years old and my entire world. Amara already introduced herself, so no need for me to do it again. I invited you over for dinner to meet my family. This half of it, anyway. You know I have a brother and two sisters, but I wanted you to meet my heart and soul before we take our relationship deeper. I’ll completely understand if this isn’t something you want to be a part of. I won’t be upset if you tell me this isn’t what you want right now. I understand. I want you to know we sign and speak when Haven is in the room so she can join in if she likes. We want her to feel included in every aspect of our lives, as any mother would want for their child. I’d love for you to stay and have dinner with us as planned, to get to know Haven and Amara, because you can’t have me without them.” I give him a moment to let my words sink in, giving him a chance to decide for himself.

Atlas stares at Haven, taking her in from her curly hair to her pink-polished tiny toes. I glance at Haven to see how she’s handling his stare, and she seems to be giving him the same lookover. Her head tilts up due to their height difference, her eyes focused on everything from his hair to his black leather Chelsea boots. Once her appraisal is complete, she looks at me and says,This him?

I can’t help but laugh at the way she asks. I love seeing Amara’s influence in Haven’s personality as she grows. It means she won’t take any nonsense from anyone and won’t be afraid to stand up for herself and her beliefs. I won the lottery with Amara as my best friend; there’s no one else like her in the world.

I look from Amara to Haven, then to Atlas, taking a deep, purifying breath. I start the introduction between my daughter and Atlas, speaking as I sign, just as I told him I would. “Atlas, this is my four-year-old daughter, Haven. Haven, this is my friend I was telling you about, Atlas.”

Amara watches the interaction, ready to defend Haven if needed. What happens next blows my mind. I even hear Amara gasp, and she’s not the gasping type. Atlas bends down on his knees so Haven doesn’t have to stretch her neck to look up at him. I see him swallow hard, then he lifts his hands, shakily.

Good meet you, Haven. Hope to know you. You, me, friends.

My eyes tear up because even though he didn’t sign the sentences he was speaking completely; he still signed and spoke at the same time.

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