Page 44 of Signs and Signals

I look down and see I have one message on my phone from a name and number I haven’t seen in months.

Atlas: omw

No questions asked, he is coming to be my strength, even though we are no longer together. His message makes me smile, the shorthand, no punctuation, just quick and to the point. If only he wasn’t marrying someone else.

I must have fallen asleep and started dreaming of Atlas, because I can smell his woodsy scent as though he is right next to me. I can even hear him saying my name. I am just going to stay here for a while with Atlas. Then everything around me begins to shake, I open my eyes, and they are met with the blue eyes of my best friend. She doesn’t say anything, just looks next to me and then walks out of the room.

I turn my head to find Atlas sitting in a chair he must have brought in from the dining room. His eyes have dark circles around them, and he looks as though he hasn’t been sleeping. What is even more confusing is as our eyes lock, I can still see the love he has for me. I see pain, sorrow, and hurt as well, but the love is shining through, warming me from the inside. I wrapmy arms around his neck, and let out all the pain, suffering, frustration and anger I have been holding in.

“It’s okay, Indy, I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re okay. I’m here,” he keeps repeating while rubbing slow comforting circles on my back, hugging me just as tightly as I am him.

“I’m sorry if I took you away from anything or anyone important. I just really needed you here to get through what I am about to do,” I tell him between the sobs and tears soaking his shirt.

“I will always come when you call, Indy, no matter what. No one is as important to me as you and Haven. Nothing will ever be more important than the two of you. Ever. No matter what, you get me? Now tell me what has you so upset, so we can get through it together,” Atlas says the words I knew he was going to say, making me smile a little, then I lose that little smile because I remember why I needed him to begin with.

“I received a call from a number I didn’t know, and they left a voicemail when I didn’t answer it. It was my foster dad, David. I would rather you just listen to the message he left, I don’t want to say it out loud,” I say, giving him my phone so he can listen.

His reaction is very different from mine or Amara’s. Instead of being petrified of what the outcome will be, he is angry, so angry his face is beet red, and his veins are protruding from his body.

“How did that low-life piece of shit get your phone number? Please don’t tell me it was one of your siblings, Indy, I will lose it if it is one of them.”

“I don’t think it was them, but I don’t know how he would have gotten it. I wanted you to be with me so I can call him because I never want him around Haven. If I put it on speaker phone, will you sit in here with me, please?”

I am nervous he is going to say no. I feel bad he is here and not with his soon-to-be wife, but I don’t believe I can get through this call without him, whether we are together or not.

“Of course I will. I’m here, I’ve got you, okay? You can do this, not only for Haven, but for you. Slay the dragon of your nightmares, Indy. I will protect you the entire time,” his voice is so sincere, it makes my breath catch and pulse quicken. I can’t get lost in the feeling I have for him right now; I need to get it over with.

I don’t respond to him, I press call on the number that called and left the message, switching it to speakerphone and set the phone on the bed between us.

We are sitting against the headboard, but right before the call is answered, Atlas picks me up, sitting me between his legs, arms wrapped around me like a cocoon of love and protection. I relax into his warmth, it is just until the call is over, then he will no longer feel this way.

I stiffen as David answers the phone just as I thought he would, being an asshole, thinking he will always be the one calling the shots. Not today, asshole. Not when you are threatening my daughter, and not when I am drawing the strength from the man holding me tightly.

“I knew you would call. Don’t you miss me, Indya. I sure miss—” I cut him off before Atlas goes off on him. I shake my head to him, he doesn’t look happy, but he does so anyway.

“What do you want, David? Why now? She is almost five years old, and all of a sudden you and Sonya want to be a part of her life. Please explain all this to me because I am truly at a loss,” my voice is strong, confident, but my body is shaking like a leaf.

“Found you a backbone throughout the years did you, girl. Good for you, but you can put that right back where you found it and play nice like the good girl you are for me.”

I stiffen at the way he says good girl, I think I am going to be sick. Atlas must sense my unease because he turns me around, my legs around his waist, his hands cupping my face.

“Don’t let him get to you, Indy. Stay strong, don’t let him in your mind and make you falter your own course in life. You are strong. You can do this.” Atlas whispers. I don’t know how David didn’t hear him, but if he did, he says nothing about it.

I turn back into my position, between his legs and arms holding me close, breathing in through my nose, then letting it out through my mouth. I’m ready to slay my dragon once and for all.

“Why don’t you just tell me why and what you want and then we will go from there, David, I don’t want to be on the phone with you longer than I need to be.” My strength is back and so is a confidence I did not realize I had.

“Sonya and I want joint custody of the kid. We have thought about it and we have decided the kid needs better role models than what they are getting. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it is up to you. I would suggest the easy way. We could come up with our own terms without getting the courts involved. The hard way is one I don’t think you want to deal with. Because if this is the path you take, we will go to court for full custody with once-a-month visitation. Go ahead make your choice,” he gloats.

Does he really think I believe he wants Haven or anything to do with her? No, he is just placating his wife like always.

“I don’t think I want either path. But I have a solution to this problem. But first, how did you know my phone number and how do you know where I live? I am really curious,” I say.

“Sonya saw you in a magazine at the grocery store with that baseball player. We looked him up and I contacted his family. His mother was nice enough to pass along your information. Who wouldn’t want the foster family who cared foryou like you were their own, who hadn’t been able to contact you for five years? Took her a few days, but as you can see, she came through. Now what is this so-called solution, because I am leaning more toward thehardway.” The way he says ‘hard’ makes me sick to my stomach, but I hold strong.

“Well, the solution is easy. Lose my number and address, I don’t want you around my daughter. You lost all of your rights when you molested and raped me for almost two full years. You lost those rights when you and your wife kicked me out at seventeen, pregnant, scared, and still in high school. You lost those right for not owning up to what you did to me,” I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, but my voice is still strong.

“That is not going to happen, sweetheart. My wife wants another child in our home to raise, and I have one. So, I guess I will be getting with my lawyer and letting him know to go ahead and proceed with the case. We will win, because we have everything you don’t—a healthy relationship between a man and wife, a good paying job, money in the bank, we own our home and vehicles. I would venture to say, you have none of those,” he sneers.

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