Page 43 of Signs and Signals

“Amara! Don’t stop the story there, what the fuck happened to make my baby cry so hard she is still sniffling in her sleep hours later?” I yell, getting irritated she isn’t just spitting it out.

“So, we get to the building, and I was waiting in line where the security people were, because that is where you have to get a pass or something to go to his floor. Something about the elevator being his door, I don’t know, that is what the receptionist told me. As I was waiting Lyra walked in, spotted us and said we could just ride up with her. When the doors opened, he wasn’t alone. He was with that Mallory bitch. As soon as he heard us step in, he pushed her way and ran toward the elevator. Haven seen him kissing another person that wasn’t you. He shattered her heart with one action,” saying the last part in a whisper, Amara lets a tear fall down her cheek.

“Surprisingly, I am not mad you took her with you. Maybe she understands why I don’t want him coming around now. It still hurts to hear he moved on so fast though. An engagement party, Amara, I really did think he loved me. I know I love him, and still do, but I need to try to untether my heart from his, so I can do what I need to do for my daughter. We will get through this. Together.”

I check the clock, and it looks like I slept most of the day, I must’ve been extremely exhausted, add in the stress of this past month and a half, yeah, that is the reason I passed out.

I wake Haven when dinner is ready, she is acting differently than she ever has. When I first broke up with Atlas, she was mean, hateful, even spiteful, but this version of her, I don’t know if I will be able to handle it. She looks broken, sad.

We only get nods, shakes, and should shrugs, nothing else. Her little face still has red patches scattered around herswollen eyes and nose from the crying she had done. I look into her eyes and hold her gaze. What I see brings me to my knees. My little girl is heartbroken.

It is almost October, our house smells of fall, spiced pumpkin and cinnamon and caramel apple candles lit throughout the apartment . It has been two full months since the breakup, and he still hasn’t tried to reach out. I guess the engagement is real. The party is tomorrow, I don’t want to go, but Amara says I need to, so I can have closure.

I think I am doing fine holding it together nowadays. Yes, I still cry when something makes me think of him, or when Haven does something or says something funny or cute, I grab my phone to text him, only realizing he is no longer part of our lives.

It took Haven about three weeks to get out of her heartbroken funk. I was at the point where I was researching therapist who were accepting new patients and had access to a translator. Her bubbly personality is coming back a little at a time, but I will take what I can get. I am just glad she is smiling more.

Haven comes into the living room standing right in front of me, I raise a brow waiting for her to ask her question.

Can I invite people to my birthday party? I don’t want a princess party.

I pause, she wants a princess party every year, even though we asked her if she wants to have a different kind of party, she always says no. But now, for her big number five birthday she is switching it up. She stills has a couple of months until her birthday, so she must have been thinking about this for a while.

Of course you can invite your friends to your birthday party, baby. What kind of party are you wanting to have?

She looks nervous, like she doesn’t want me to know, but needs to or else she will not have the party. She must give herself a mental pep talk because she nods her head to herself then responds with one word that makes my heart stop.Baseball.

The next evening, I tell Amara about the party theme change and she said she was expecting that, and it doesn’t surprise her. Baseball is how she stays connected to Atlas, since she gets to see Zander when she wants, as long as someone is with her.

I allow her to video call Zander, no more than three times per week. I explained to both of them if Atlas is mentioned, I will cut off all contact. They both agreed.

Zander doesn’t pry or try to get information from Haven, he shouldn’t. I stay in the room with her while she is talking to him, or Amara does, in case he needs me to translate. She is doing great with her sentences, facial expressions and body language, she is also signing faster. Sometimes she fumbles a little, but she will get the hang of it.

I have told her many times to go slow when talking to Zander, so he can understand what she is saying, I don’t think she understood what I was trying to say.

My phone rings and an unfamiliar number pops up, I don’t answer because I don’t know who it is, waiting to see if they leave a voicemail. They do and when I listen to it, my stomach drops out of my body taking my heart along with it.

“Indya, I know this is your phone number. We need to make arrangements for joint custody. Sonya and I talked, and she has forgiven me for my past faults. My wife tells me there needs to be real role models in that kid's life and not someone who was in the system and knows nothing about life. Call me back soon. If you don't, I will show up at your house.”

“Amara!” I scream. How did he get my number and why has he waited this long to acknowledge her? When Amara comes running into bedroom, she gasps.

“What happened? Are you hurt? Is something wrong with Haven? I thought she was already in bed? Did something happen to someone we know?”

Her questions come at rapid speed, not giving me a chance to respond. I know I am as white as a ghost and can feel the panic and anxiety knotting in my chest and stomach. I cannot speak at the moment; I call my voicemail once more and hand her the phone. She loses the color in her skin as well, her eyes welling up with rage and tears, but not allowing any to fall.

“How did that piece of shit get your number? I swear on everything I love, if it was Silas, Emerson, or Asia, I will ruin them all. I hope it wasn’t them because I love them like they are my siblings, but I will destroy them if they did. Are you going to call back, or do you want me to call Silas?” She asks. Now she is getting into planning mode, removing her personal feelings and only focusing on what needs to be done.

All I can do is shake my head no, I am too shocked and scared to speak. Afraid if I open my mouth, everything becomes real.

I know I need to call David because I know he will show up, that is just the kind of person he is. He will do it to see the fear on my face and how skittish I am around him. He said that was what turns him on the most.

“Oh shit, I think I’m going to be sick,” the words come out muffled as my hand is covering my mouth and I am running towards the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach.

I grab a washcloth and wet it, wiping my face and neck. I miss Atlas. I want him to be here with me and comfort me, telling me everything will be fine, that we will get through thistogether. I need him with me for this. I don’t think I will be able to get through it without him.

I unblock his number from my phone and send him a text. I curl up on my bed as the tears stream down my face. I don’t want that monster anywhere near my daughter. He knows nothing about her that I am aware of, unless his kids said something to him about her. I honestly don’t think Asia, Emerson or Silas would do that to me though.

Amara walks into my room with a sleeve of crackers and a bottle of water, letting me know she left Silas a message to call her as soon as he can. When she leaves my room, she closes the door silently, my phone pings. My pulse quickens, what if it is David again?

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