Page 38 of Signs and Signals

“Okay, well, I was researching the Legends to see if they were looking for trainers, because I didn’t put an application in with them, I just typed Riverside Legends into my search bar. Well, more than just the league came up. Some articles about Atlas popped up,” she says while pulling it back up on her phone to show me.

I am shocked right now, because what she is showing me is the last game when his family went to watch him play. There right in front of my eyes, is a picture of Atlas and his parents, his brother and sister aren’t in the picture, so I don’t know if they were there. But the part that has me shocked is the picture freezes the moment when Atlas is walking out the door, and none other than Mallory is by his side. All four of them are smiling, maybe laughing, all I know is, my heart is completely shattered. I don’t think there is a way it will ever heal.

“Can you girls give me a moment alone, please?” I want them to leave the room so I can break down without any witnesses. They nod, solemnly, saying sorry before closing the door. As the door clicks, the first tear falls, and I pick up my phone to text Atlas. I would call but I don’t think I can speak to him at the moment.

Indya: I saw the photos of you with your parents and Mallory after the game. You looked so happy. You told me Van and Lyra would be there with your mom and dad. Why didn’t you mention Mallory? If you still have feelings for her, you could have told me. I would have understood. But instead, you let me fall in lovewith you. You let my daughter fall in love with you. And now, you’ve shattered our hearts. Do you have any idea what this will do to Haven? She adores you.Please, don’t call, text, or come by. I can’t bear to see you. We need time to heal from this betrayal. I hope you find happiness with Mallory. I’m sure your mother is thrilled. Goodbye, Atlas.

Chapter Seventeen

Indya

I cannot believe he would do something like this to me, to Haven. I thought he loved us, but apparently, the love and affection I craved from him was nothing but a pitstop, a fleeting distraction before he settled down to start his own family. It’s hard to fathom that just this morning, everything seemed perfect. Now, as evening falls, the weight of his betrayal crushes me like a relentless storm, drowning me in despair.

The darkness inside me grows, a black hole consuming every bit of light and hope. The rage and hurt are like venom coursing through my veins, poisoning every thought. I feel like I’m suffocating, each breath a struggle against the pain that threatens to engulf me completely.

I knew I shouldn’t have let him in, I should have listened to my head and ignored my heart. Fuck him for making me break my own heart. Fuck him for making me love him so hard. Fuck him, fuck Mallory, and fuck his fucking mother.

I push everything off my nightstand, pulling random things from the closet and hurling them with all my strength. The anger and hurt inside me, the betrayal, is like a storm raging through my soul, tearing apart everything in its path. It’s likea wildfire, consuming every bit of trust and love I had for him, leaving nothing but ashes. My heart feels like shattered glass, each piece cutting deeper with every breath.

My door swings open and Amara steps in, shutting the door.

“What is going on, Indya? Why are you throwing shit around your room? Did one of your sisters or your brother do something to upset you before they left?” I know Amara is worried, I haven’t had a chance to talk to her alone.

“I broke up with him. I messaged him and told him not to contact me in any form, and after I sent the message, I blocked his number, so I didn’t have to hear whatever excuse he came up with. Did the girls show you the article? How could he do this to us, Mar? Why? Am I such a horrible person I deserve to have the worst luck when it comes to anything in my life? My parents die, then foster care, did the universe not think that was hard enough for me to deal with? Then the bitch of the universe throws in some molesting and rape, that ends with me pregnant, seventeen, in high school, and then kicked out to where I had to live in a group home."

I am trying so hard not to let this rage and hurt take over, but it seems like no matter what I do, there it is, building, ready to erupt and cause chaos in its path. It’s a beast I can’t tame, a darkness that swallows me whole.

“I thought I found something amazing with Atlas, I thought, finally, something good is going to happen. Do you know the only things that have been good in my life are you, Haven, and my siblings? Don’t I deserve more love than that, Mar? Don’t I deserve more, period?” I am full on sobbing, Amara wraps me in her arms, saying nothing, just letting me vent and cry.

I don’t know how much time passes before I finally lift my face from her chest. Her shirt is completely soaked, but shedoesn’t seem to care. My face feels swollen and raw from crying all day, my eyes burning and my throat aching from the sobs.

“Go get cleaned up before Haven sees you like this. You don’t want her asking questions you’re not ready to answer. I’ll order pizza for dinner since I can’t cook. It’s safer this way. Go, I’ve got Haven. Take a bath, relax, and clear your mind of this mess for a while. I love you.”

Amara’s voice is soft and soothing, a stark contrast to the chaos inside me. She leaves the room before I can respond, her footsteps fading down the hallway. The emotional pain is overwhelming, unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Even with everything that happened growing up, nothing hurt this much.

I grab some shorts and a tank top to put on after my bath, the fabric feeling cool and soft in my trembling hands. I reach for the lavender essential oil from my closet, its calming scent already beginning to fill the air. As I head to the bathroom, the cold tiles under my feet send a shiver up my spine. The sound of running water is almost hypnotic, a temporary escape from the storm inside me.

***

A week. It has been a week since I last spoke to Atlas. Every day, Haven asks when he is coming to see her, and each time she does, it feels like my soul is being torn apart. I tried to explain that he hasn’t been around because of baseball and family commitments. It’s not entirely a lie, but it’s far from the whole truth.

It’s Saturday evening when I hear Amara yelling from the hallway. I rush to see what’s happening and find her and Haven in the midst of an all-out argument. I’ve never seen Haven sign with such anger. Her movements are stiff and jerky, her small hands slicing through the air with force. Her face is flushed, and her eyes are blazing with fury. The usually soft and gentle expressions are replaced with a mask of rage. Her bodyis tense, every muscle coiled like a spring ready to snap. The air is thick with tension, and I can almost feel the heat of her anger radiating off her.

What is going on with you two? Why are you fighting?I ask, flicking the light switch in the hall to get Haven’s attention.

I asked Aunt Mar if I could play on her phone, and she said yes. Now she is mad at me,Haven says, her little hands moving quickly.

I don’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity of Amara arguing with a four-year-old over a phone or to be proud that Haven is now signing in complete sentences.

Why don’t I tell her the entire story, Haven? I am not mad you were playing on my phone when I gave you permission. I am upset because of what you did while you had my phone. Do you want to tell your mom, or should I?Amara’s voice is calm but firm.

Curiosity piqued, I look at Haven, who immediately averts her eyes. My heart sinks. This means I’m going to be really upset with her. She only avoids eye contact when she knows she’s done something wrong. I turn my gaze to Amara, and the look of disappointment on her face aimed at my baby hurts my feelings.

Since you want to be quiet now and not speak, I guess I will just tell her what happened. Haven asked to play on my phone, I asked her what she was going to do on it. She tells me to play some games. I didn’t think anything of it, because she has played on my phone many times. I go to grab the phone from her because I need to make a call, and guess what the princess is doing? Not playing a game, she is on facetime. How the hell does she know how to work phones better than we do?

I start to laugh, because she has known how to facetime since we moved here, so she could talk to Silas. She even has anapp on her tablet that works the same way as facetime. Then, Haven jumps in to defend herself.

Excuse me for not being rude to my friend. I was talking on my tablet, and it died. I needed to call my friend back; we were in the middle of a game. So, I did not lie. I telled the truth.

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