Page 108 of Crowned

Even Beatrix looks confused and hurt, and I feel a stab of guilt. “I…”

I should tell her about the baby.

I should get Viktoria and bring her in.

But Olivia will ask how old she is and realize she was fathered by one of the men. I can’t bring that child in here with two traumatized women and watch their faces drain of color as they realize I’m with the men who caused Olivia unimaginable pain. It would be like a slap in the face of her suffering.

“I didn’t know I was coming to see you. This was just as much a surprise to me.”

As I babble my excuses, Olivia and Beatrix exchange glances. They don’t understand what I mean, but they don’t protest when I get to my feet.

We exchange numbers, and then Olivia walks with me to the front door and hugs me. My breasts ache against her chest when I’m trying to concentrate on saying goodbye.

“It’s wonderful to see you. I’ll see you again soon, I promise.”

“I hope so, Lilia. Where…” She looks around outside the cottage for my car.

“I parked around the corner,” I tell her, and confusion crosses her face again as she seems to wonder why I didn’t park in front of the cottage when there’s plenty of room. “I’ll talk to you soon, I promise.”

I walk away feeling sore, troubled, and guilty, wishing I was still full of all the happiness I felt when I first laid eyes on Olivia.

As I approach the car, I can hear Viktoria’s cries of hunger, and suddenly all thoughts are wiped from my mind except to feed her. The urge is so strong it’s like a switch being flipped.

“I hope she’s been good,” I say, unbuttoning my blouse at the same time that I reach for the baby.

Juliet was about to give her a bottle, but she puts the cap back on and stows it away. “She’s been an angel, but she’s happy to see you.”

As Viktoria nurses, I rock her back and forth gently, smiling down at her. I can’t help it. I was only gone for an hour, but I missed her so much.

Someone calls out behind me. “Lilia?”

My eyes go wide and I freeze.

Juliet is staring at someone standing over my shoulder. I turn around slowly, Viktoria in my arms.

It’s Oliva, and she’s standing just a few feet away and staring at me and the baby in naked shock. A smile washes over her face. “Why didn’t you say you had a baby? You should have brought her in. Who’s the father?”

“I…”

Olivia keeps smiling, despite the confusion in her eyes.

I don’t deserve her smiles. I didn’t deserve to set foot in her house.

Tears spill down my cheeks. “You’re going to hate me so much.”

The smile drains from Olivia’s face as she stares between me and the child. Counting back the months. “Lilia. Is that…?”

I can tell from the dawning horror on her face that she already knows. One of the men who locked us up fathered this child.

“Oh, my gosh,” Olivia whispers, staring at Viktoria. “Which one? Who’s the father?”

“I don’t know,” I say truthfully. I haven’t been trying too hard to figure it out, either. I just think of all of them as Viktoria’s father.

Olivia barely seems aware of the fact that she’s drawing closer to us. Viktoria has her eyes open as she feeds, and sunlight falls across her face.

“The scarred one,” Olivia whispers, and a shudder passes through her. “It’s his.”

I stare down at Viktoria in surprise. I haven’t seen her eyes in the sunlight in a little while, and I see they’re not blue anymore. They’re blue-gray.

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