Page 81 of Heartbreak Hill

He nodded as tears welled.

“Did you ...” Reid swallowed hard. “Ch-cheat on me?” She could barely get the question out without losing her voice.

His eyes went wide and his body rigid. “What? God no, Reid.” Grayson moved closer and reached for her. “I am so in love with you. You’re my whole world and the reason I am here today. If it wasn’t for you ...” He trailed off. He often thought about that day. He didn’t remember everything from it, but Reid had told him the story and how she’d planned to start dating because she needed to move on from the limbo she’d been in where Grayson was concerned.

“Nadia’s an ex, nothing more. When we went off to college, that was it. I never pined over her or tried to win her back. I’ve only ever loved one woman in my life, aside from my mom, and that’s you, Reid.”

She looked at him and said nothing.

“I went there. I stood where Rafe died, hoping to experience or feel something that would ease the feeling in my chest. When I saw her, my heart didn’t soar like it does when I see you. It was like seeing an old friend who, if I hadn’t seen her, I wouldn’t have missed, if that makes sense.”

“A little,” she said.

Grayson inhaled. “When I saw her daughters ...hisdaughters, everything shifted. I wanted to cry, to weep, as if I’d experienced the most profound loss of my life. This”—Grayson put his fist over his heart—“space is yours and theirs. I can’t explain it, other than what Dr. Littleton said about cellular memory. My heart—hisheart—misses those little girls.”

“You don’t even know if you have this man’s heart, Grayson.” Reid got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. Grayson gave her a minute and then followed. He stood, leaning against the wall.

“I wish I could let you feel what I feel. I wish there was a way for you to know how seeing and loving you every day makes me feel, but also being with them took away the ache.”

Reid stood at the stove, stirring the sauce in the pan. “So, you’re what, going to play dad to them, and I’m going to do what? Share you with your ex? Like, I’ll get you two weeks out of the month?”

He wiped at his fallen tears. “No, Reid. Nothing like that, but I need to know them. To be in their life somehow. For the first time in a year, I felt complete.”

Her head snapped up, and she froze. Before she’d even turned and looked at him, he knew she was crying. “I’m supposed to be enough, Grayson,” she said, pointing at her chest. “We are supposed to be enough for each other.” Her hand motioned between them.

“You are.”

“But I’m not.” Her lower lip quivered. “They make you feel complete. Two strangers.”

“It’s not the same,” he told her. “I can’t explain it, but that feeling like something is wrong wasn’t there when I was with them.” Grayson moved closer. “I sat with them, listened to them tell me about their dad, how he died and how they felt. We had a tea party. They embraced me. Made me matter in their world.”

“I’m sure they were being polite,” Reid said.

He shook his head. “This was different.”

“You want it to be different so you’ll have an answer. You need it to be different so you can justify what you’re telling me.” Reid pushed past Grayson, heading into the other room.

“Reid.”

She spun around. “Why did you withhold the reason for your trip?”

Grayson hadn’t expected her to ask, although he should’ve. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the ends. “Because I wanted to make sure my hunch was right.”

“And you couldn’t share that with me?”

“I thought you’d talk me out of it.”

“Does your ex know why you randomly showed up at her house?”

He shook his head slowly.

“Right, so you lied to the both of us. That’s lovely, Grayson.” Reid moved farther away from him. “You know what, you’re right. I would’ve talked you out of it, because what you did is wrong. You don’t lie to the people you love, and you certainly don’t show up at someone’s house under the guise of being in town and wanting to pay your respects. I don’t know what’s worse, lying to me or lying to a grieving wife and two little girls.”

“I know and I’m sorry, Reid. I truly am. The last thing I want to ever do is hurt you. Or Nadia and the girls. It’s just ...” Grayson trailed off.

“It’s just what, Grayson?”

He didn’t know how to answer her.

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