Page 80 of Heartbreak Hill

Grayson felt foolish and heartbroken. Two emotions he had trouble dealing with when mixed together. He shouldn’t feel this way about two tiny humans he didn’t know, or barely knew, for that matter. Yet when he sat there, enjoying his tea, he felt like he’d known them their entire lives. He loved them. Long before he’d even known they existed. Thatwas the only way he could explain how he felt. They were a part of him, and he had to find a way to stay in their lives.

A knock sounded.

“One minute,” he said as he cleared his throat. Grayson stared at himself, hoping every answer he sought would magically appear in the mirror. Nothing was there. Except for a man with red-rimmed eyes, a running nose, and flushed cheeks. There would be no hiding this from Pearce, who’d undoubtedly have questions or give him some type of look that would border on disgust.

Pearce had gone with him for moral support. Had done everything Grayson asked of him, but it was clear he didn’t approve. No one could understand how Grayson felt. Waking up every day, knowing something was wrong but not being able to pinpoint what that something was until now. Now he knew, but knowing didn’t make things better for him. Not with the distance between him and the girls. And while Pearce had cautioned Grayson about seeing his ex, Nadia wasn’t who Grayson wanted in his life; it was Gemma and Lynnea. Their presence made him feel whole. Complete. They were the ache he felt.

Grayson apologized when he came out of the bathroom. He made his way back to the row he shared with Pearce, thankful it was just the two of them and not the dreaded middle seat situation. He sat down and kept his eyes trained on the flight attendants as they served drinks.

“You okay?” Pearce asked.

Grayson nodded and bit his lips to keep his emotions in check.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. After dinner the night before, they’d gone back to the hotel and hadn’t discussed their visit with Nadia, Reuben, and the girls. Doing so was the last thing Grayson wanted. He’d told Pearce he was tired and crawled into bed. Instead of sleeping, he’d stared at the ceiling, recounting the encounter. He’d hated leaving but knew they’d already overstayed their intrusion.

Grayson was thankful they were on an airplane and not driving. Their voices would have to be elevated to have a full conversation, andanything he had to say, he wouldn’t want others to hear. He didn’t care what people said; it was a natural reaction to eavesdropping. Not a day went by when he didn’t listen to what others talked about. He knew more about the people on his daily trains and in his office than he cared to.

The flight from Boston to DC was quick. They’d spent more time waiting in the airport for their flight than actually flying. Once the plane landed, they were off and through the terminal as if their asses were on fire. Grayson wanted to get home to Reid. He needed to see her, hold her, and confess. Lying to her and withholding his true intentions of taking the guys’ weekend weighed heavily on his conscience. He’d made a promise to himself when he pursued her to always be honest. It was the easiest thing he could do with her.

Grayson and Pearce took the subway together until they needed to switch lines. Pearce hugged his friend, patted him on the back, and told him to call if he needed anything. He wouldn’t call. Pearce might be his best friend, but Grayson sensed he couldn’t grasp the magnitude of how Grayson felt. He didn’t blame him at all, especially when he couldn’t fully understand things himself.

When he arrived at the apartment complex, he opted for the stairs. He took each flight slowly, delaying the inevitable. Reid would be ecstatic to see him, but she’d notice right away that something wasn’t right. She’d instantly think he was sick, or something had happened to his heart. She’d be right, but for the wrong reasons. As Grayson approached their door, he knew he’d tell her everything.

Before he slipped his key into the lock, he paused and listened. Soft music played from their apartment, and he imagined her dancing, and likely pouring them a glass of wine. Reid would’ve made or at least ordered them dinner, having it there by the time Grayson told her he’d be home. If this were a normal homecoming, they’d share a meal, and then he’d take her into the shower with him, unwilling to spend any more time alone. He’d make love to her there, using his height as anadvantage when it came to shower sex. After the shower, he’d take her to bed, where they’d be a little freer with their lovemaking.

But this wasn’t a normal homecoming.

Tonight, they’d sit at the table, their wine going untouched, their food turning cold while he spilled his guts about his trip, who Nadia was, and how happy he’d been when he saw the girls for the first time and how heartbroken he’d been when he left them. Grayson had to find a way to express to Reid how none of this had anything to do with her and how it had everything to do with the heart he’d been given.

A heart he hadn’t asked for.

Before he turned his key, he closed his eyes and pictured Reid, loving and patient with him. In his mind, he saw her cry. Could feel her sadness, and he hated himself for what he was about to do.

He opened the door slowly. Reid was in the hallway and turned, her smile starting off slowly but spreading wide as they made eye contact, and then it dropped. She rushed to him, placing her hands on his cheeks and peering into his eyes.

“Grayson, what is it?”

He shook his head slightly and pulled her into a hug. As much as he tried to fight back the tears, he couldn’t.

“You’re scaring me,” she mumbled into his shirt. “Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?”

“No,” he told her. A doctor couldn’t fix what was going on. Without turning, he reached back and shut their door, then took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat heavily, with a sigh, which released none of the tension he felt.

Grayson cleared his throat and held on tightly to her hand. “I need you to listen to what I’m about to tell you. I need to get this all out, and then I can answer all your questions and talk about everything. The first thing I want to say, though, is that I love you and can’t wait to be your husband.”

Reid smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. He couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind right now.

“Do you remember the day you went shopping with my mom?”

Reid nodded.

Grayson recounted his actions from looking online at obituaries, to expanding his search, to when he’d come across the article about Nadia’s husband—who she was to him, and how he’d gone and seen her.

Reid pulled her hand away from his.

“You went and saw her?”

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