Page 27 of Heartbreak Hill

“It’s okay. I got you,” he said as his hand moved up and down her back. The side of the bed dipped where Rafe should’ve been, and she smelled the familiar scent of strawberries-and-cream shampoo. Small arms wrapped around her midsection, and her body sighed, almost as if it needed her children.

Nadia let go of her father and brought her babies to her, holding and caressing them as best she could. Gemma was tall for her age, but not Lynnea. Not the baby of the family. She curled into her mother’s side, stuck her thumb in her mouth, and wept quietly. Gemma maneuvered her body so she was on the other side of her sister and rested her head on her mom’s chest. She, too, cried.

When Nadia woke again, she had no awareness of the time or even the day. For all she knew it had been weeks since her world had beenupended. When she glanced at the TV, she was reminded abruptly that days had passed.

Over a sleeping Lynnea, Nadia reached for the remote and shut the television off. She vaguely remembered turning it on hours ago and falling asleep toRudy, Rafe’s favorite movie, with her girls snuggled next to her.

Nadia looked at Lynnea, with her thumb in her mouth. A habit they’d broken when she was three. Nadia left her thumb there and would deal with it later. She turned to Gemma, who stared back at her with the same soulful brown eyes as hers.

“Hi,” she said quietly so as to not wake Lynnea.

“Hi,” Gemma replied. “I don’t want to go to school today.” Tears pooled in her eyes.

“You don’t have to,” Nadia told her. “You can stay home for the rest of the week.”

Gemma nodded slightly. Nadia kissed her forehead. If she had her choice, her girls wouldn’t ever leave her sight.

“And Lynnea.”

Nadia shook her head. “Nope. And me neither.” She didn’t want to return to work. In her mind, it would be one thing if her husband had passed away, but to be killed while saving another woman during an annual road race all because someone’s brakes had failed—someone who shouldn’t have been driving down the road to begin with—put Nadia’s situation front and center. Everyone knew how Rafe had died. It’d been on the news and continued to air while an investigation took place. The news channels interviewed people who’d been there, reminding Nadia repeatedly that people had witnessed her husband dying.

“Does Daddy get a funeral?” It was after they had returned home from the hospital that Nadia explained to the girls what the doctors were doing to Rafe. Lynnea didn’t like it, and Gemma said she was proud of her dad and how he was going to save someone’s life. Those words only sparked Lynnea’s outburst as she questioned why someone couldn’t save her daddy’s life. Nadia had the same thoughts.

“Yeah, he does.”

“Do I have to go?”

Nadia pondered her question and nodded. “If you don’t go, you might regret it later, and it’s not something you can change.”

“But I don’t want to see Daddy in the coffin.”

“I understand. You can sit in the pew, next to me. You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”

“Okay.” Her voice was small, nothing like the outgoing child she was a few days ago. Nadia pictured her and Rafe, dancing in the kitchen, and him telling her to put her feet on top of his. He’d twirled her around like a princess.

“I’m so sorry, Gemma,” Nadia found herself saying. “I know I’m hurting, but I can’t even imagine how you and Lynnea feel.”

“Lynnea’s angry. She was throwing stuff in her room.”

“That’s okay too,” Nadia told Gemma. “I’m angry. Sad. Hurt. My heart is broken for you, your sister, Daddy, and me. Daddy didn’t want this.”

“The person who did this needs to die.”

As angry as Nadia was, she didn’t want that. Deep down, she knew this was an accident, an avoidable one. The person who hit Rafe would have to live the rest of their life knowing they’d killed someone.

“Then their mommy would be very sad. We don’t wish death on anyone, no matter how badly they hurt us.”

Gemma’s lower lip quivered. “Okay,” she said in a broken voice. Nadia pulled Gemma to herself and did her best to cradle her daughter without disturbing Lynnea. Nadia wept with her oldest and wondered how they were going to get through the next stage of their lives.

They lay there, waiting for Lynnea to wake up. Tragedy had struck their family, but Nadia and Gemma both knew waking Lynnea before she was ready was never a good thing. Instead, Nadia turned the television back on, chose a movie on one of the streaming platforms, and hunkered down in bed with Gemma.

Gemma laughed at the funny parts, which made Nadia happy, despite the heaviness she felt weighing on her chest. Sooner than she wanted, she would have to start making plans for Rafe’s funeral and figure out how to manage the household on one income. They had life insurance policies for each other, which Nadia never thought either of them would have to use. That paperwork could all go away until tomorrow or the next day. She didn’t want to take any time away from her babies.

When Lynnea finally woke, she complained about being hungry. Nadia could’ve sent her girls downstairs, where her parents would’ve taken care of them. Had she done that, her mother would’ve come upstairs and lectured her on how the girls needed their mother.

With a herculean effort, Nadia got out of bed. She started toward her bathroom, saw Rafe’s clothes, and immediately turned back into her room. Gemma and Lynnea watched her every move. Nadia would have to eventually walk through the closet to her bathroom—today wasn’t that day.

“Come on, let’s go downstairs.” She didn’t have to tell Lynnea twice. Gemma, on the other hand, eyed her mother warily. After she stopped to use the bathroom in the hallway, Nadia stood at the top of the stairs, questioning why she was out of bed. There were so many voices coming from the living room and kitchen. Mixing and mingling with each other. Dishware clanked against counters, chairs scraped against the hardwood floors, and the TV blared with the news.

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