Page 43 of Cruel Bet

“From your beta HGC levels you’re around three weeks, too early to be showing signs or having symptoms. I should have realized you were unlikely to know, my apologies,” she says looking contrite.

My hand immediately reaches for my stomach. A baby. I’m pregnant. Nikolai and I are going to have a child.

Thoughts of all the reasons why having a child with Nikolai is a terrible idea barely cross my mind. I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of love for this unborn life inside me. I will do anything to protect them. Everything else in my life means nothing now.

“Is he okay? Did the attack harm him?” I ask.

“They’re a fighter, just like mom, you’re too early for anything to be detected on a scan, but your beta HGC levels have been rising while you’ve been hospitalized, and there’s no bleeding,” she says with a small smile.

I return her smile with a broad beam of my own. I’m going to be a mother. I didn’t think I could feel this happy, this at peace and resolutely certain about anything or anyone.

I know it’s too soon, and yet I have the feeling it’s a little boy growing inside me. Who I imagine will have chubby cheeks and azure-blue eyes like his father. One who will grow up to be as strong and handsome as his dad.

“Thank you. Could you… could you please not let Nik… my husband know, I’d like to tell him myself.”

“Of course,” she says with a nod before leaving.

Right now though, I don’t know when or even if I want to tell Nikolai. Whether he would even want this child. Whether I would want to raise my child in this lifestyle of death and violence. My initial instinct tells me to run, that I can’t possibly subject a child to the world I grew up in. A world I hate. But the thought of never seeing Nikolai again is almost unbearable. I know he’d never leave the Bratva life, he would never, could never, sacrifice everything he’s fought so hard to build.

I have so much to think about and decide. But first, I have to finally confess and tell Nikolai everything—until I do that, there’s no knowing what the future holds for us. If there will even be an us.

Chapter 25

Arianna

Idon’t get a chance to speak to Nikolai that day. I’m overwhelmed by visits and well-wishes from Dimitri, Endo, and Kimiko, and by the end of it, I’m exhausted and fall asleep.

When Nikolai comes to me the next day, I try to talk but he dismisses me, telling me to rest. “You can tell me when you’re better,” he insists.

The following day, the doctors finally discharged me. When we leave, he takes me to the penthouse in New York telling me, “I figured you’d feel safer here for now than at the house.”

He’s right and I’m grateful for it. Once inside, I try to talk again.

“Nikolai, we need to talk,” I say, taking a seat on the sofa.

“I know. But first, there’s something you need to see,” he tells me handing over a folded piece of paper.

My brow furrows in confusion. “What is it?”

He lets out a sigh. “It’s a letter. From Maria.”

“How did she…” I ask trailing off in confusion.

“She came to a meeting with Castro and managed to hand it to Kimiko. I think you deserve to read it.”

“You’ve read it,” I state, knowing from his face that he has.

“I did. We had to be sure that it wasn’t anything untoward, that you aren’t—”

“A spy?”

He winces at my words, clearly regretting that he still doesn’t trust me. I don’t allow myself to dwell on that fact. It’s too painful. Too fresh.

I take the letter from him. “Would you mind giving me some privacy to read it alone?”

“Of course, take your time,” he says, leaving the room.

As I read the letter, the walls I had built inside to protect me from all of the pain and suffering come crashing down. Huge tears well up and cascade down my face as I allow myself to finally cry. To sob. I am so happy for her. So relieved that despite everything, she has managed to find happiness. Maria’s letter has released me and given me a new resolve and strength I didn’t know I had.

---