Page 44 of Cruel Bet

I cry for myself. For Nikolai. And for the unborn child inside of me, as I realize what I have to do.

When my tears have finally dried up, I go to Nikolai’s room. He’s pacing around anxiously. When I enter he looks at me with hope and concern in his eyes.

“Arianna. Is there anything I can do?”

I know we need to talk. I need to rip the band-aid off and do it sooner rather than later. But I’m too emotionally drained right now to face it.

“Just hold me,” I ask.

He nods, silently pulling me into a warm embrace. We stand like that for a while, with me quietly crying into his chest, more tears that I didn’t think I had in me.

“Can I sleep in here with you?” I ask in a small voice.

He tenses, and I think I’ve ruined it. That he’ll reject me. I’ve gone and broken our last unbroken rule. But then he says, “Of course.”

He strips down to his boxers, looking away as I take off my clothes and pull on one of his t-shirts that he hands me to sleep in. The irony of him giving me my privacy when he knows my body more intimately than I know it myself is uncharacteristically sweet. He’s treating me like a fragile, precious thing made of glass. Right now, I feel like I am. The smell of him envelops me comfortingly as I pull the too-large t-shirt on.

We climb into the bed and I rest my head on his chest, savoring the warm feeling of his body against mine for one last time. Without thinking, I tilt my head up and kiss him. He only hesitates for a moment before kissing me back.

The kiss deepens and all of a sudden, I’m hungry for him. I climb on top of him, pulling the t-shirt over my head. He kisses me tenderly, taking a breast in his mouth and sucking on my nipples in turn. Then, he wraps an arm around my waist and flips me over onto my back so he’s on top.

“Are you sure you’re well enough to…” he asks.

“Yes, Nikolai, I won’t break,” I lie.

Physically, it’s true, but emotionally I’m holding on by a thread. I need the distraction. To be with him, here and now.

He pulls off his boxers and slowly enters the already wet and ready area between my thighs. I wrap my legs around him as he moves slowly in and out. The sex is so unlike any other time we’ve shared before. Tender, gentle, and dare I say it, loving. He works slowly, allowing the orgasm to build inside of me as I kiss him and he kisses me back. When I climax, the feeling is deeper and not as intense, yet every bit as incredible and satisfying as ever.

“Nikolai,” I moan as he pumps inside of me, letting out a groan as he releases.

It occurs to me then how we never once used protection. How we never even thought about the life we might create. The one that he can never know is now growing inside me. Was this baby fated to be born? The fact that some good will come out of this is comforting.

He holds me, looking deep into my eyes.

“Arianna…” he starts and I think he’s about to utter the words I so desperately long to hear from him but cannot let him say. The words I want to whisper—I love you.

I plant a small peck on his lips. “Don’t. Let’s just sleep now,” I tell him.

Confusion flits across his face, but he nods. Lying down, he pulls me into his arms with my back pressed against his body, curling around me. I know that once I tell him everything, he will never look at me like the same again. That this is the last time he’ll hold me in his arms. The thought is almost enough to break me. But I focus on the child inside of me, the life that I need to give them. The life I never had. For this baby, I will give up everything. Even the man I love.

Chapter 26

Nikolai

When I wake, the bed is empty beside me. Arianna is gone. I find her drinking coffee in the kitchen. I go toward her, to try to touch her but she moves out of my grasp.

“Drink this and get dressed, we need to talk,” she says thrusting a coffee at me.

I’m unaccustomed to taking orders, but I do as she asks. When I return, she’s sat waiting for me at the table. She gestures for me to take a seat opposite her, and I do as she asks. She bravely meets my eyes, steeling herself for what she’s about to tell me.

“Nikolai. I’m going to tell you what I know, the information I promised in exchange for my freedom. I know I can’t expect you to promise to grant me a new life, that’s why I held off telling you for so long. But I hope that you will do it, that you will let me leave safely, despite what I am about to tell you.”

Her eyes plead with mine, her green irises glistening with unshed tears and unspoken words. I couldn’t possibly refuse her now, not that I’d want to.

“Of course, if that’s what you want. I promise,” I say. Though already the thought of letting her go, of living without her is impossible and has the caveman inside me rattling his cage.

“My father was… is a cruel man. He thrives off hurting others. I know that he seems like a vile, petty thug without clever ideas, and for the most part that’s true. But sometimes, he or more likely his associates think up new and unexpected ways to hurt their enemies. He wasn’t always that smart, but since my sister’s death, he likes to use deception and trickery,” she explains carefully.

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