Page 120 of Javier

“What I saw, what I sensed, was a soldier still eager to win a fight, whose mind was invested in his friend’s future,yourfuture.”

I eyed the wise woman beside me. “You think so?”

“Iknowso.”

“Your brother was witchy that way,” I mumbled, recalling other moments where his words had felt a lot like prophecy. “Like you and your dreams, but different.”

“Hey, I’ve only recently started with this weirdness.” She flashed me a crooked smile.

“Do you think Nix somehow foresaw that we were going to meet some day?” I backstroked real fast out of that one. “I know. Ridiculous. Right?”

“As ridiculous as my dreams, I suppose.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“No, I get it.” She chewed on her lower lip. “This whole thing is odd, but I’m glad I had this dream.”

“You are?”

“I’d always wondered if he was alone at the end.” She reached for my hand and held it between her much smaller ones. “My sisters wondered, too. There was so little that Dash was at liberty to say. I’m relieved to know Nix wasn’t alone when he died. He was in good spirits. If he had to die that day, I’m thankful you were there with him.”

I opened my mouth and closed. “So… you’re not mad atme?” I cleared the cobwebs from my throat. “You don’t hate my guts?”

“If I’m going to be honest, I’m a little irritated.” Her eyes sparkled with a hint of annoyance. “I’m trustable, Javi. I’ve trusted you with my life and body. I wish you’d trusted me with your secrets, withthissecret.”

“I swear. I tried. A couple of times.” I huffed. “I just… couldn’t. I’ve never spoken to anyone about this. Until now. Until you.”

“You’re very hard on yourself.” She pulled my hand to her lips and kissed it. “I think you’ve suffered enough. You should try to forgive yourself for something that’s not your fault.”

“But I—”

“You did your best, Javi, and as Sister Elsa often says, your best is all you can ask of yourself. You’re human. You got hurt. You were not the reason Nix died, and you can’t take the blame for something you had no control over.”

I stared at the extraordinary woman holding my hand. She wasn’t angry at me. She didn’t blame me for her brother’s death. Her generosity astounded me. She understood how I felt about her brother like no one else did. She got how hard I tried, how much I’d wanted to save him.

Ye’re a wee bit banjaxed.Sister Janet’s voice echoed in my head.But you’re sound, lad. Have care of yer soul. It needs mending. If anyone can help with that, it’s herself. Perhaps ye’ll let her… someday.

It struck me that she’d been right. I had been banjaxed and for quite a while. My soul needed mending, and today, at last, that vague “someday” had arrived. With her dream, Missy had offered me a path to healing, and for once, I was gonna accept help—her help.

“I wonder why I dreamed of Nix tonight of all nights,” she murmured, tapping her fingers over her lips.

“Maybe because we fucked?”

“If that’s what you want to call it.” She angled those beautiful eyes over my face.

She knew this hadn’t been fucking. She knew it had been something more.

“It’s strange.” I squeezed her hand. “If you hadn’t had this dream, I may have never found the courage to come clean with you. I don’t know how else I would’ve been able to talk about this.”

“Maybe this dream helped us process something together, something that you blocked and I sensed,” she proposed in her quiet way. “Something we needed to share.”

“Missy Astor, I hereby declare myself at the mercy of your extraordinary wisdom.” I kissed her hand. “So. What happens now, Wise One?”

“You forgive yourself and then, oh, I don’t know.” She flashed a naughty grin. “I think we need a pick me up. How about I suck your dick and you teach me some new stuff after that?”

My mouth fell open. She knelt before me and got to consoling me, the Missy way. The pleasure of her lips on my dick drove me to madness. The emotions that came with it were even more powerful. My groans were the only sound that broke the early morning’s silence.

Chapter Twenty-nine

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