Page 118 of Javier

“It was a top-secret mission,” I mumbled. “Nobody knew the details except the people who were there and our debriefers. How could you possibly know what he said to me back then when it was only Nix and me?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly.

I scrubbed my face, still in disbelief. “Did you see anything else in your dream?”

She tilted her head and studied me. “Like what?”

“Like what happenedafterNix said those things to me.”

Her eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean?”

“Did you see how he died?” I demanded too strongly. “Did you see the moment he died?”

“I didn’t see or feel his death in the dream at all.” She softened her voice. “I felt life, and something else.”

“Something else like what?”

“Like friendship.” She paused and looked at me, pleading with those orange-hued eyes, haunting me with her need toknow. “Is this true? Were you and Nix close? Or am I making this up?”

“I told you before there were things about me that you ought to know.” I dipped my face in my hands, fighting the burning in my eyes.

“You can tell me now.”

“You want the truth?”

“Yes.” Tears were already spilling down her cheeks.

“Nix and I were close.” I dropped my hands and met her rounded eyes. “We were good friends. He was my commanding officer, but he was also my go-to. I wanted to tell you, but I just… couldn’t.”

She wiped a tear from her eye. “I’ve upset you.”

“You didn’t upset me.” I couldn’t grab a breath. “I’ve been upset for a long time.”

“Since Nix died.”

“True.”

“You loved him.”

“Like the brother I never had.” My heart shriveled into a painful fist.

“He loved you like a brother as well.” Her eyes closed before she opened them again and I felt fucking wrecked when I spotted the pain that lingered there. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” I scoffed. “That he died because of me?”

“No.” A line deepened between her eyebrows. “That he diedwithyou.”

“I wanted to tell you,” I mumbled. “I didn’t get to it because I’m a fucking coward. I didn’t want you to think less of me. I especially didn’t want you to know that I went after him and got him killed instead.”

Her frown etched deeper into her forehead. “What do you mean?”

“As we tried to outflank the enemy, Nix got separatedfrom our unit. He got into a tight spot in the fierce crossfire. I made it across the battlefield to him, but then we got hit by mortar fire. I got wounded. He did too, but I couldn’t hold on, whereas he was unfazed, as usual—cool, calm, and collected under fire.”

“That was Nix all the time.” Her eyes glazed over. “Even when he faced off with our father.”

“Nix always kicked ass. He was the coolest cat in a fight.” I had to smile through an annoyingly liquid haze. “He always got us out of trouble. On that day, after I got hit, I was in and out of consciousness. I can’t remember what happened after he said those things to me.”

“What do you mean?” Her forehead furrowed.

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