Page 109 of Beyond the Rules

“Your conviction was bullshit,” he said with a fierceness that stunned me. “It was unfair and we weren’t gonna stand for it. So we looked into it and pulled some strings. We can’t change the past, but we can tweak thefuture.”

He pulled out a folded sheaf from his jacket’s inner pocket and placed it in myhands.

“What’s this?” I squinted, skimming over thefirstpage.

“This is a presidential pardon that ends your probation, cancels your restitution obligations, and restores your rights.” The strong line of his jaw tightened. “It’s probably too little, too late, but it frees you to choose whatever future you want foryourself.”

My legs folded of their own accord. I plopped down on a chair and stared at the letter on my lap. From the president. For me. I looked at Zar, knowing now and for sure that the icy gleam in his azure-flecked eyes was fire of the hottest kind. My gaze slid over to Tanner and Aiden. They’d done this. They’d freed me. They’d rescued my future and returned ittome.

I struggled to say something, anything. Instead my heart beat the crap out of my sternum and the sights before me blurred with a flood of scorchingtears.

Aiden’s face twisted into a wince. “She’sgonnacry.”

“She’s just…overwhelmed,” Tanner said. “Am I right,sweetheart?”

The understatement of a lifetime. “I…I…I’m so…grateful.” I heaved, fighting the sobs. “I don’t know whattosay.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Tanner said. “Not right now. A lot has happened and you need to take your time to processit.But…”

“But what?” I said, wiping the tears leaking frommyeyes.

“The thing is…” Tanner’s throat rippled with a hard swallow. “We’ve talked and we all agree that…I mean…it would be reallygreatif—”

“Nina?” Aiden cut in. “We want you to stay. With us.Forgood.”

My heart stopped beating. My world blew up. The pieces of my carefully forced together life’s puzzle flew apart and shattered to splinters. My emotions fractured. I stared at the men before me, trying to accept what my heart had been telling me for a while, that they felt about me the same way I felt about them. The hope. It soared through me like a hawk in the wind.Andthen…

“This is all very….amazing and…sudden,” I mumbled as the hope collapsed in the pit of my shriveledstomach. “But…”

“But what?” Zar saidimpatiently.

It took all I had to say it. “I…Ican’tstay.”

The men’s bewildered stare was more than Icouldtake.

“Why?” Aiden said, shaking his head as if trying to dispel a cloud of confusion. “Why can’tyoustay?”

I inhaled desperately and tried to put order into my conflicting emotions. I couldn’t speak through the brick stuck in my throat, not yet. The guys stood before me, waiting. They looked so handsome in their finery, feet braced, hands clasped behind their backs, probably unaware that they were standing at the “at ease” position, which didn’t give the impression of being at ease at all, least of all when I considered the grim lines my words had etched theirfaces.

“I’m so very grateful for everything you have done for me.” I sniffed, trying not to cry. “Your generosity has taught me that there is good in the world and that justice is possible.” I took another big breath, trying to oxygenate my brain, even though my heart squeezed so hard that I was sure it was attempting to murder me. “But…Ican’tstay.”

“Because you don’t feel like you’re part of the team,” Tanner saidsomberly.

“But that’s changed now,” Aiden pointed out. “You have your pardon and you’ll be able to get securityclearance.”

“That pardon…” It was everything I’d dreamed of, everything I’d ever wanted a few weeks ago, before I came here. “It’s…really sweet…thesweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. But even if I were a formal member of Ulysses, itwouldn’twork.”

Zar flicked his hands in the air. “Why thehellnot?”

“There’s the double standard I told you about,” I said. “You guys are always there for me. But you can’t let me in, won’t let me in, in here.” I tapped at mytemple.

Zar’s forehead furrowed into a trio of deep lines. “Pardon my skull’s density, but what the hell are you talkingabout?”

“You take care of me, but you don’t letmecare foryou.” I flicked my gaze from Tanner, to Aiden, to Zar. “You don’t share your pain with me, or your fears, or your worries. You hide your real emotions, as if you fear I might shatter if I really knew what you thought, felt, as if you feared showing your real selves to me. I’ll always be theoutsider.”

“We’re trying to rewire on that,” Tanner admitted, glancing at theothers.

“It’s fucking hard,” Zargrumbled.

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