Page 39 of Tiers of Joy

I sign the paperwork and pay for the car in the office with Wyatt while Bob walks around looking at the trucks.

“There’s the keys and the paperwork. Enjoy your new truck.” He smiles.

“Thank you.” I beam excitedly. I stand up to leave but Wyatt stops me.

“Esme, I wondered if maybe you’d like to go out for a drink with me sometime?” He ask.

“Oh, um. As in, a date?” I ask.

“Yeah, a date.” He states.

I bite my thumbnail nervously. “I…well the thing is I'm not ready to be dating right now. Sorry.” I apologise.

“Don’t be. When you are ready, call me.” He says and hands me his card.

“I will.” I smile.

I follow Bob home and park up my new truck outside. Overall, today has been a good day. I just have to take each day as it comes.

Chapter Ten

Today is the anniversary of Jay's death. I’ve given Bob the day off and I’ve switched my phone off. I don’t want to speak to Sally or anyone else. I just want it to be me and him.

I walk along the docks. The ground is covered in thick snow left over from the storm. It’s quiet out. With it being so cold people are only going out when they really need to. It’s peaceful.

I sit on a bench and look down at my wedding ring. I feel my bottom lip begin to tremble as the tears fall. I’m not sure how long I sit for in the freezing cold. I get up and wipe my eyes. Deciding I need a drink I walk to The Sunken Ship.

“Hey Esme, what can I get you?” Jack asks.

“How many shots are left in that bottle of vodka?” I ask.

Jack looks at the bottle.

“Maybe twenty?” He shrugs.

“Great. I’ll take the bottle.” I state handing him my card.

He hands me the bottle and I walk over to a booth. I’m tucked away in the corner alone with the bottle of vodka.

“To you Jay.” I state. I raise the bottle and down some vodka. I squeeze my eyes shut as it burns my throat.

“To leaving me on my own.” I raise the bottle again and drink some more.

“To making me live my dream without you.” I do the same again.

I drink and toast Jay each time. When half of the bottle is gone I stand and yell.

“Happy first anniversary to my dead husband! May he be having fun in heaven while I'm suffering all alone here! Cheers!” I yell and down some more before flopping back into the booth.

“Esme honey, I think you’ve had enough. Do you want me to take you home?” Eloise asks.

“El-ou-is. I'm fine. I can get myself home absolutely fine. Do you know why? Because I'm a widow! Being a widow means you're allll alone, it means you have to do it alllll by yourself.” I slur.

“I think we all need a hand sometimes. Maybe I could call someone for you?” Eloise offers.

I shake my head and laugh.

“I don’t have anyone. No family, no friends, just little old me! You know my husband lied to me? He said he would love me forever and always. Where is he now? Dead! He’s dead. A year ago today I watched him die. I held him so he wouldn’t be scared, so he wouldn’t be alone. Now who’s holding me?! Who’s comforting me so I'm not scared and alone? No one!” I yell sobbing.

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