Page 142 of Tiers of Joy

“Hello?”

“Gaige!!!” I cry.

“Shit Esme, is that you?” He asks.

“No it’s Princess fucking Diana from beyond the grave. Who the fuck else would it be?” I snap.

“Christ, okay. How are you doing?” He asks.

“Did you just ask how I’m doing?! Really Gaige?! My whole stomach, back, and bloody vagina are contracting to get this little human out of me and to top it all off I’m stuck here with a gluten free fucking vegan!” I yell.

“I have a name you know.” The guy huffs.

“Sorry, is this moment about you right now? Are you the one that’s going to have to push a human the size of a melon through a pea sized hole?! No?! I didn’t think so.”

“How many minutes apart are your contractions?” Gaige asks.

“I don’t bloody know! We don’t have a stopwatch!” I complain. “Ooow hooooo!” I cry out in pain as one hits.

Amy holds up her phone showing there’s a stopwatch on it.

“I’m on my way beautiful, I promise. Stay strong. Has anyone rang Doc?” Gaige asks.

“On it!” Dawn yells.

“Does anyone want my opinion?” The customers asks.

“No!” We all yell.

“Well, you’re getting it. They are currently four minutes apart. She could have the baby in the next hour or it could last hours. Who knows?” The customer shrugs.

“What’s your name?” I ask, panting through the contraction.

“Norman.” He states.

“Norman, how in the hell do you know so much about it?” I ask.

“I have birthed three litters from my dogs, two calves, and a litter of kittens.” He states proudly.

“Sweet Jesus! Dawn are you there? Any word from Doc?” Gaige asks over the phone.

“Yeah he’s on the way. He’ll be about forty-five minutes though due to conditions out there.” Dawn informs.

“Great. Can you hold on for Doc Esme?” Gaige asks.

“I want you here Gaige.” I complain.

“I know. I am trying to get there as fast as I can.” He promises.

“Oh god, here comes another one.” I moan.

“That’s three minutes. They’re getting closer.” Norman sings.

“Shit, I’m going. I will be there soon.” Gaige disconnects.

I breath through it as best I can. The pain is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced in my life. Amy and Josie run around gathering towels, table cloths, and cushions from upstairs to make me as comfortable as possible.

I lay down and the contractions are coming thick and fast.

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