Page 102 of Enemies in Paradise

My eyes land on my skates, and an idea pops into my head. I can tell him the good news on the pond. Skating with him there will be a nice goodbye. Bittersweet and agonizing, but perfect.

Me:Bring your skates too.

Bear:Skates?

Me:Yes. Don’t ask questions. Just do it.

Bear:Is this where I get to say, don’t tell me what to do?

I laugh out loud. I’ve been too busy fighting with Bear to notice how funny he is. But between his presentation tonight and this text exchange, I’m seeing things in him that have always been there, but I was too blind to see them. All I could see was the guywho I accused of being a creeper, when nothing could be further from the truth.

At this point, I should just assume that whatever Ithinkabout him is wrong.

What Iknowabout him, though, is he has a heart big enough to fill his giant chest.

We go back and forth a little longer until he asks:Why’d you do it?

Me:Do what?

Bear:You know what.

He’s right. I do know. Because of course he wants to know why I threw him and his proposal a lifeline in the middle of the city council meeting.

Me:Because you coach girls.

Only a few seconds pass before my phone rings and Bear’s name appears. I don’t hesitate to answer, even though I’m breathless when I do and my words come out rushed and staggered.

“Why does that make a difference?” he asks, not bothering to say hello.

“They deserve a chance to play.” I hug the phone to my ear with my shoulder and lie down on my bed.

“I know that, but what made you come to the conclusion?” His voice is soft and coaxing, like it was when he kept Lynette’s squirrels from attacking me.

“It’s a long story.”

“I love long stories.”

And before I know it, I’m telling him everything. The things Captain Markham said that had me questioning my ability. The things he said that made me deeply uncomfortable and the others that made me question whether I was the problem.

“I might have sent him signals that gave him the wrong idea about what I wanted. Maybe I deserved—”

“—No you didn’t,” Bear interrupts. “You aren’t to blame for his actions.”

“How do you know?” I want to believe Bear, but I’ve tried to tell myself the same thing, and it hasn’t worked. Markham’s voice always drowns out mine.

“Because no one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. Don’t let him shame you.” His tone is firm, leaving no room for argument.

And for the first time, I don’t want to shoot back, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

I’ve told Georgia about my administrative leave and the basics of why, but for the first time, I put down my shield. I don’t have to protect myself with Bear. He’s seen me at my worst, but he still believes my story, and he wants to help me carry it.

So I tell him all the ugly details that I haven’t said out loud to anyone. I’ve only put them on paper.

As Bear listens, I more fully realize that filing an official complaint isn’t enough for me to get over what’s happened. The superior officer who should have been looking out for me and treating me like an asset to his department instead used gaslighting and intimidation to make me question everything I did. I’d wanted to be a detective since I joined the force, and he turned my accomplishment into something I regretted.

And, based on what Carlos told me a few days ago, I’m not the only woman he’s done it to. But I was the first to file an official complaint. That’s something.

I don’t know that I’d describe my experience as traumatic—I’ve seen real trauma—but I have needed to talk about what’s happened more than I realized.

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