Page 106 of Christmas in Paradise

The running dialogue between my mind and my heart is making me crazy. I wish I could kick Seb and our conversation from last night out of my head. Then maybe I could make a decision about this job based on what’s best for Charly and me, not on my feelings for Seb.

The problem is that I don’t know if I scared Seb away by telling him I might stay. He said he’dlikeme to stay but then told me to go. So, maybe he’s not ready for the kind of commitment my staying would mean. Maybe some space would give him the room he needs to get comfortable with the idea of an insta-family.

Or maybe that space would let him decide he’s not ready.

But now, if I stay, I’ll wonder if he wanted me to go.

And if I go, I’ll wonder if he reallywantedme to stay and just didn’t say it. I’ll worry that I’ve given him too much space to walk away from something that could be really good.

The hardest part is, I don’t want to go back to Kansas. Iwantto stay in Paradise, even if it’s not the smarter move. I’ll have to pay rent, find new doctors for Charly, figure out who will take care of her when I’m gone, and be on my own for the first time. All of that is scary to think about.

But it feels right.

At least, it did until I talked to Seb last night.

Now, on top of all my other questions, I’m worried it’s going to be super-awkward if I stay. What if things don’t work out? This town may not be big enough for both of us.

And I hate that now I feel like I have to make the decision based on Seb rather than just on what’s best for Charly and me.

Except…

I think Seb may be what’s best for Charly and me.

“Hold still, baby. Let me help you with your costume,” I say to her and attempt to slip the sheep costume over her head.

“No!” She grabs it out of my hands. “Gigi do it!”

“Did I hear my name?” Mom comes from the other room, waving her hands so her nail polish will dry.

Charly throws her costume at my mom’s feet. “You help.”

“Charly, say please,” I tell her, but I’m too tired to fight.

She’s made so much progress with Gia over the past six weeks, but in the two weeks Mom’s been here, Charly has slipped back into acting like a baby. It’s easier for her, and Mom loves it because she gets to be the fun grown-up who Charly wants all the time. I mean, of course Charly does. Mom gives her whatever she wants.

“You want me to help you with your costume? Of course, I will!” Mom says in an abnormally high voice. But at least she pronounced all her letters. “Just let Gigi’s nails dry.”

“I want nails!” Charly exclaims.

“You can have nails,” Mom coos at the same time I say, “We don’t have time.”

Guess who wins that one.

And this is how we end up fifteen minutes late for the live nativity with a sheep who has bright, red-painted fingernails and toenails. I rush her backstage where Seb is draped in robes and holding a big shepherd’s hook. As soon as he sees me, his whole body relaxes.

The smile he sends me unwinds the knot in my stomach.

He takes Charly from me and nuzzles her nose. “Where’ve you been little sheep?”

“Wook!” She sticks out her hands to show him her polish.

Seb looks to me for clarification.

“Her fingernails,” I whisper.

“Oh! Look how pretty!” he says to her, then leans in to kiss my cheek. “I thought I was going to have to go on without her and look totally ridiculous without a sheep.”

And I can’t help it. I have to say it, even though I’m still kind of mad at him for not telling me to stay in Paradise. “Were you scared sheepless?”

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