Page 105 of Christmas in Paradise

“But my mom is here for therapy.” I can’t help myself. I have to point out something that could work. “That’s her biggest need, right? Weekly therapy?”

Hope nods. “Yeah, I’ve thought about that, for sure. But what about as Charly gets older? Will the public school be able to provide all the services she might need?” Now she drops my other hand. “There’s so much to think about even before who will take care of her if I have to leave town for three or four days. But that’s the biggest one. Mom is the person I’m most comfortable leaving Charly with overnight. She’s the only person Ihaveleft her with for more than a day.”

I nod again, pulling my lips in tight to keep from yelling that she can trust me. That would be crazy. I don’t trust me to keep Charly overnight. But she’d have my mom. And Evie. Stella, Britta, Georgia, Mrs. C…. there’s a whole town here ready to help Hope with Charly.

But none of us are her own mom, and that makes a huge difference.

“Could your mom come here to watch Charly? Would she do that?” As soon as I say the words, I know this is a solution that’s best for me, not Hope or Charly. But I’m desperate for her to stay.

She shakes her head slowly. “If it were every once in a while, sure. But I’ll be traveling once a month or more. Mom can’t leave my brother and sister that often. Plus, she’s got a life of her own.”

“That’s a lot to consider,” I say finally, the last of my hopes gone. We both know what the best decision is.

“Obviously, I’d like you to stay.” I hold her with my gaze while my arms ache to pull her close. “But I don’t think you should. You have to do what’s best for Charly. We both know that.”

Hope nods, then says. “I don’t have to decide tonight. I can think about it.”

“That’s true.” I keep my tone measured, keeping all the hope she’s just given me out of my voice.

But if I don’t get out of this room, I’m going to explode. I’m going to take everything back I just said and beg her to stay.

“You know what? I’m going to put this in my truck.” I lift the gift bag clenched too tightly in my fist. “Without looking at it…” that gets a smile from her. “Then, we’re going to dance this night away and celebrate your new job.”

She smiles, and I open the door.

Light floods the room, shining on the sadness written on Hope’s face.

And I hate feeling that I may have put it there. That maybe she wanted me to say how much I want her to stay. Or that she can see the hurt on my face at the thought of her leaving again rather than how happy I am for her.

I wish I could take her sadness away. I want this to be a happy night for both of us. A celebration.

But all I can feel right now is the emptiness I felt the first time she left. Only now it’s bigger.

This time there’s a hole big enough for two forming in my chest.

Chapter 34

Hope

It’sSunday,andI’mgetting Charly ready for the live nativity. I haven’t talked to Seb since last night. We’ve texted a little bit, but mostly I spent the day lying on the couch, watching TV while pretending to relax for the first time in weeks. Really, I was just too tired to do anything else.

I didn’t sleep last night. There were too many questions racing through my head. Too many feelings. Too many worries.

Did I want Seb to beg me to stay in Paradise and tell me he’ll do whatever it takes to help with Charly?

Yeah. That would have been nice.

In my secret heart of hearts, did I hope he might say,hey, let’s get married?

Maybe.

Would I have said yes?

Possibly…

Probably…

I don’t know.

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