Page 29 of Christmas in Paradise

Even if he hadn’t made it possible for me to be here by convincing his mom to be Charly’s caretaker, he’d still deserve an explanation and apology for both.

But that’s all I can give him. I can’t risk losing my heart to him—not after I came so close this summer.

I have Charly to think about. Which means my entire focus must be on my job and creating a future for us. I don’t have time for fun, whether it’s swimming in the hot spring or kissing Sebastian on his bike.

Or watching him play bass.

No matter how tempting those things and the million other things I’d like to do with him are.

As we step outside, he says, “Let me walk you to your car. The ground is uneven and its dark out here.”

“Thanks,” I mutter before an awkward silence falls between us. This is my chance to say I’m sorry, but I can’t find the words to explain why I left the way I did or why I wasn’t honest with him about having a kid.

When I unlock the car, he opens my door for me, but I’ve got to put Charly in her seat first. I reach for the back door handle, but he beats me to it. He lets my door close and leans against the hood while I buckle Charly in her car seat.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he says, holding my door open again.

I climb into the front seat and start the car, so Charly doesn’t get too cold.

“Me too.” I take a breath then launch into what I’ve been wanting to tell him. “I should have told you I was leaving, and I should have told you about Charly. Even if what we had was just casual, I shouldn’t have left like I did. I could have at least answered your texts. I’m really sorry.” I stop long enough to take another breath. “And I really appreciate you setting things up with your mom. She’s amazing, and I’m so glad I have someone I can count on to help me with Charly.”

Sebastian gives me his first genuine smile of the night. “I’m sorry too. If I’d known you had Charly, I never would have said anything to make you feel like there’s something wrong with that. But I also get why you didn’t tell me—at least, Evie helped me understand. Consider me helping you and Charly both get here my apology.”

My chest loosens, and I’m able to smile back. I remember why I missed him after I left. “That’s a pretty big apology. I feel like I still owe you.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t owe me a thing.”

I shiver, mostly from the cold, but also with a rush of emotion I don’t want to feel. “Thanks… I should go now.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Sebastian takes a small step back, then stops. “But if you really want to make it up to me…” he slowly lifts his shoulders in a question. “Maybe we could spend some time together.” He licks his bottom lip and memories of tugging that lip between my teeth flood my brain. “We had a lot of fun together.”

His golden-brown eyes shimmer with the light of my car, and I want to get lost in them. I want to lie in his arms and look at the stars. I want to flirt with him, tempt him and tease him. I want to feel his lips on mine, exploring my mouth with his.

“Mama, I cold. Blankie,” Charly says from the backseat, bringing me back to reality.

I tear my eyes from Sebastian’s. “Blankie is at Aunt Evie’s.” It’s the one thing that got carried in on our quick stop there before coming to meet Gia. “We’ll get it right now. Hold Chilli until we get there.” I hand her the stuffed dog she loves even more than her blanket, and she hugs it tight.

Seb looks at Charly and says, “Your dog’s name is Chilli?”

Charly nods and puts her thumb in her mouth.

And maybe that’s Seb trying to connect with Charly, but it’s not enough for me to forget what he told me this summer or ignore the fact he let his mom wait on him all night.

With my eyes on the steering wheel, I give Sebastian the only answer I can. “I’ve got a kid, Seb. She’s my number one priority; never mind whatever I was trying to do this summer by not mentioning her—I'm so embarrassed about that.” I pause long enough to buckle my seatbelt. “When I’m not working, I’ve got to be with her. I don’t have time to spend with anyone else.” I take a breath. This part is hard, but important. “Especially someone who I have no future with.”

Seb nods and steps far from the open door, but he keeps his hand on the corner of it. “I know what I said about no kids, and I’m sorry. But I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left, and I want to prove to you that you’re not some casual summer hook-up… I care about you.”

“Seb,” I say more forcefully this time before he can say anything else. “I havea kid.Nothing is just about me and you. Everything I do is for her. I made a mistake this summer because casual is not something I can do. Anyone who is part of my life has to be a part of hers.”

Charly whimpers from the backseat, and I know tears aren’t far behind.

“I’ve got to go, and so do you. Enjoy your show.”

Seb lets go, and I shut my door. But before I back away, I hear his words through the glass, “I’m not giving up.”

As hard as I try to brush off his words, my pulse doesn’t listen. It races through my body, the pounding competing with Charly’s fussing the entire drive back to Evie’s.

But I don’t know if it’s Sebastian still showing interest in me or the thought of Sebastian himself that’s sending adrenaline coursing through my veins.

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