Page 53 of Sinful Secrets

“Thank you.” I say to his retreating back.

I carry my goodies to my bedroom and search the colorful arrangement for a card, finding it just barely out of the water.

Pulling out the plastic card holder, I read the card.

I wish there were more ways to say

all that you are to me.

I love you more than words can express.

-Spencer

My heart swells as tears form in my eyes.

God, I’ve missed Spencer. It seems like it’s been too long.

I carry the vase to my dresser, placing it next to the cop’s card. My stomach tightens as my heart and mind rage war again.

Feeling conflicted about what the right thing to do is, I grab my notebook and pen and start a pro/con list to weigh both options.

A list has always helped me in the past with my choices about which college to apply for and which jobs to take, so why can’t it help me when love is involved?

Besides, this is a no-nonsense, unbiased, and unobjective way to lay out all my options and to see what potential consequences there will be for whatever choice I make.

I speak my thoughts as my hand gets to writing them down in a more concise manner.

“Being debt free sounds great, but being a mole and being responsible for Spencer going to jail doesn’t sit well with me.”

The sound of my pen scratching against the paper is the only sound in the entire suite.

“Working with the cops will help me learn what I’m getting into if I stay with Spencer and continue with this lifestyle. But I can talk to Spencer and explain what’s going on, and I’m sure he will answer my questions honestly.”

My mind works overtime as I remember what he did to Connor. Spencer is intimidating and scary sometimes, not to mention a bit unhinged. He clearly has anger problems that can spill over into our relationship.

But do I feel scared around him?

Have I ever felt like he would do me harm?

Or treat me the way he treated Connor?

I answer my own question aloud. “No, Spencer wouldn’t hurt me or lay a hand on me in any way except in a loving manner. He wouldn’t do that to me. He was protecting me from Connor.”

Looking down at my completed list, I sigh.

PROS:

1. Being debt free.

2. Learning the truth about everything.

3. Doing the right thing.

4. They can protect me.

CONS:

1. I love Spencer and don’t want to ruin this.

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