Page 75 of Sweet

I need a deep breath before I can continue. I take it all back. About Riley. About Jess. About Cas. About everything. Finally, I have the perfect fucking man. Literally made for me. And there’s a very real possibility he’s slightly homicidal. What the fuck does that say about me?

“Will?” Detective Sax prompts.

“I always close Fridays. I remember Riley telling me before his shift ended that he had plans to go out that night. He left the farm a few hours before closing.”

I pause and take a deep breath. Am I really going to do this? Can I do this? It’s so fucked, but Jess is already gone and I can’t lose them both. I can’t. I won’t. I exhale and let the rest spill out as calmly as possible.

“Jesse closed with me, then we both left for the evening. I went to my boyfriend’s place since I always spend the weekend with him. We were together all night.”

“That coincides with what Bailey told us earlier. We have reason to believe that after Jesse left work, he met with Riley that night.”

Fucking hell, Cas. You knew. You made sure you knew where everyone would be. You knew that I would remember where Jesse really was that night. And you knew I’d cover for you, anyway. You probably even knew that I’d catch the lie as soon as I heard it, and you still took the chance. Fuck you, dude. Killed my best friend and pinned everything on him. I tent my nose and let out a sigh.

“Are you okay, Will?”

“Yeah, it’s just… a lot. To take in. All this shit… about Jess.” About Cas.

“I understand,” Detective Sax says. He begins putting the rest of the photos back in the folder. “If he attempts to contact you at all, please let us know immediately.”

“I will,” I say with a shaky breath.

And with that, I’m free to leave.

Chapter twenty-nine

Cas

There is what I hope Will does, what I think he’ll do, and what he actually ended up doing. All three of these scenarios may have different answers, and not knowing which one he chose leaves me uneasy. Ihopehe’ll be smart like I know he is. Ithinkhe’ll stay loyal to me above all else. I can’tknowfor certain. I don’t like not knowing things.

Will comes by the house that afternoon, and I’m caught between acting as if everything is normal and holding back some until I can gauge the situation. When he walks into the house, he smiles yet looks sad when he wraps his arms around me. He’s not a very emotional person. I wouldn’t say totally devoid. But then again, neither am I. We’re both merely below average in that area.

“I love you,” he murmurs in my ear.

“I…” I don’t know. I feel things for Will that I’ve never felt for anyone else. The fact that I feel anything at all for him speaks for itself, but that’s not love.

“It’s okay,” he says while shushing me. “You don’t have to say it back. I know how you feel.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” he says with a sniffle. When he pulls back and combs a hand through my hair, he looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. “And I know what you did, baby.”

I don’t really know how to respond to that, so I don’t respond at all. No point in lying. Still, it feels as if I’ve disappointed him and for the first time ever, that’s something that bothers me.

“What am I supposed to do about that, huh?”

“Whatever you want,” I calmly say.

“Cas…”

“I’m yours,” I remind him. “You get to do whatever you want to me.”

Will pulls me closer again, threading with me while I squeeze my arms around his waist. He kisses the top of my head and holds me close enough to suffocate me. I do care about Will. I do. I still care about myself more. Most. Always have. Always will.

Sometimes, self-preservation means doing hard things. And I have to do this.

“Come to the greenhouse with me,” I whisper into his chest.

“Now?”

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