Page 103 of Before You Say Goodbye

“He’s the father of my child,” Autumn said.

Bluebell cackled nastily. “Only you could somehow manage to make this seedy little fuck sound somehow classy,” she said. “But, I suppose, coming from where you do, you’ve had enough practice at pretending.”

Maddie and Ben gasped Bluebell’s name.

“That’s enough.” Marley stood. “Autumn, let’s go.”

“Please don’t go.” Emma wiped fat tears from her face. “Marley, please stay.”

“I have to, Mum,” he said.

“I can’t bear it.” She sobbed as she stood before him to block his path, knotting her hands in his shirt. “I can’t stand it, Marley.”

“We have to go, Mum.”

Beside her, Autumn saw Ben uttering something audible only to Marley’s mother. She watched his mouth. He seemed to be saying, “Tell them, Emma, tell them.”

“Tell us what?” Autumn asked, loud enough to be heard above the rabble. They fell silent, turning to watch Autumn, who was staring at Ben. “Tell us what, Ben?”

Ben sighed, gesturing to the sofa.

“Sit down, all of you. Sit down now. There’s something Mum and I need to tell you all.”

“Let me put Benjamin in the bedroom?” Autumn said. The cuddle chair she and Marley had been sitting in was by the bedroom door. She’d be able to stop anyone who tried to take him and she felt as though he’d sleep longer in his crib, so she carried him into the bedroom, laying him down with a blanket of Bowie’s he’d been sleeping with since his birth. She stroked his cheek and took a moment.

“I love you, Bowie,” she whispered. “We all do.”

All at once, Autumn felt calmer.

“Bowie?” she said.

She let herself imagine how incensed he’d be by the idea that she believed the ghost of him was sending her strength from the afterlife.

“I know, I know.” She smiled ruefully and shook her head, letting a tear fall from her eye at the vivid memory of him. “I know, there’s no such thing as an afterlife. I know.”

She kissed her son, watched him for a few seconds more, then returned to the living room, where everyone had resumed their original position. She could tell nobody had spoken since she’d left.

“Right,” Ben said. “This isn’t how we do things in this family, fussing and fighting like this—”

“You said you had something to tell us.” Marley interrupted him irritably.

“And I do,” Ben said. “We do. Emma?”

Emma sighed and shook her head, her lips pursed stubbornly.

“If you don’t tell them, I will,” he told her.

“They’re going to use it as their excuse.” Emma rubbed her temples. Ben stopped pacing and sat beside her, taking her hand gently in his.

“Maybe it is the reason,” he said. Emma snatched her hand away, wiping a tear from her eye. She looked resigned. “You have to tell them.”

Emma sighed and then spoke, her voice small and gentle. “Bowie and I had a conversation about this once when he was very ill.”

“After the night of the ball,” Ben added. Emma glared at him. “It’s important they know all the facts,” he said, gesturing for her to continue.

“Yes, after the night of the ball,” Emma continued. “The night that you . . . I’d mentioned how very fortunate it was that you two got on so well and he’d smiled and raised his eyebrows in that way he sometimes did. When I questioned him, he told me he hoped the two of you might fall in love when he was gone. That you would be perfect for each other, but you’d bothbe too stubborn to see it for yourselves. He told me he’d been encouraging the two of you to spend time together, hoping you might find comfort in each other when he’d gone. I laughed at him; it was so preposterous. I couldn’t believe what he was suggesting. He told me that if it happened, I had to leave well alone. He said he loved you both and he wanted you to be happy. He’d forced you to spend time together, just the two of you. He engineered all this. He loved you both and he desperately wanted you to love each other, too. Really love each other. He wanted you to give to Marley what you had given him, Autumn, and for Marley to feel what he felt about you. He had come to believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his purpose in life was to bring you together, to make sure you had each other when he was gone.”

Emma paused for breath.

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