Page 153 of Let's Pretend I'm Okay

Margo was a good person. She loved people. She tried her best to take care of everyone around her.

She shouldn’t be allowed to die.

I bolt down then hallway until I find a spot where no one else is. A corner hidden away from the world where I can sink to the floor. I bury my head in my arms as my body rocks from my sobs. I cry until my throat is raw and I have no tears left.

I’m numb.

Broken.

Lost.

I cry until I’m hollow. Until there’s nothing left but a shell of a boy leaning against the wall.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

DANIEL

Nothing’s the same without her. I go back to sleeping through my classes because it’s easier than staring at her empty seat, and I have to remind myself not to walk to her locker in the mornings.

I get in fights because I want to be hit. I want to hurt from something other than Margo, but somehow being punched is still less painful. It doesn’t distract me like I hoped.

Some days I don’t even go to school. I stay in my bed because it’s the closest thing I can do to disappearing.

Her funeral comes, and I should be at the front with everyone else, but I can’t handle it. I watch it from a distance where I can’t hear a word being said. It’s all too real.

It’s dark and the house is quiet. I venture out of my room to use the bathroom, but I pause when I overhear Laura and Rob talking.

“There’s not enough room,” she says.

“There’s plenty of room,” Rob replies.

“Where are we supposed to put the baby?”

“Olive can share a room,” he says.

“I don’t want my kids sharing rooms.”

Her words stab my heart. She doesn’t want me here. I’m the reason that her kids will have to share a room. I’m the reason they don’t have enough room.

Anger builds in my chest. Part of me thought Laura was different. I thought she cared about me, but my worst fear is true. I’m nothing but a burden to her.

Late at night when everyone goes to sleep, I stuff my messenger bag full of my things and slip out of my room. I inch closer to the front door, careful not to make a sound.

I turn the doorknob and crack open the door.

“Where are you going?” Olive says from the other end of the hall.

I gulp, not looking back.

I step outside.

Olive comes running up behind me. She chases me down the walkway. “Daniel, wait!” she yells as she grabs my arm.

“Let me go!”

Her hand falls, eyes wide as she looks down at my bag. “Are you leaving?”

I don’t answer. I bite my cheek, trying to keep my composure. I start walking again.

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