Page 166 of If Ever

I'd like to swat him, but it would take too much energy. And the mesmerizing way he rubs my back, bringing warmth to me, relaxes my muscles to the point I can't keep my eyes open another second.

When I wake up, Tom is gone and the bed feels lonely. I'm not cold anymore. Sitting up, I slide my legs over the side of the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" He appears in the doorway, arms crossed.

"The bathroom."

"Oh." He steps aside.

"And to take a shower. I can't stand myself anymore." I get to my feet and sway, a little dizzy.

He reaches for my arm. "Let me help."

"I've got this." I step forward, holding onto the wall for balance.

Tom frowns as I close the bathroom door.

I wash my hair twice and scrub myself clean. The warm water sluicing over my skin is heaven, but I have to lean against the shower wall for support.

"I left you some clothes to change into."

"Thank you. You can go now."

"I can tell you feel better, you're bossy." He laughs and clicks the door closed.

He's right. This is the best I've felt in days. When I'm out of the shower, I notice he left me fresh underwear, yoga pants and his T-shirt. I raise it to my face and inhale his fresh musky scent. He must have just taken it off. I smile and wonder what he's wearing as I slip it over my head and hug the soft fabric.

"I feel human again," I say finding him in the kitchen ladling soup into a bowl. He's wearing a green hoodie with nothing underneath. Music plays softly in the background and warm afternoon sun shines through the window. "Thank you for the T-shirt."

He smiles, knowing me all too well.

I sink into the thick cushions of the couch and look out over the street. People rush by to wherever they're supposed to be, their breath shows as puffs of white.

He places a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup on the coffee table and sits next to me.

I want to curl into his side, but I still feel awkward and embarrassed over the Barbie incident and me leaving. "This looks delicious." I blow on my first spoonful, before tasting. The rich broth is nirvana to my taste buds.

"I've got to head out in a little bit, but I'll be back right after the show." He rubs my thigh as if he too needs the physical connection.

"You're too good to me."

"Hardly. I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to."

I set my spoon down and turn to him. "I know that. Seems we both have been doing a bit of that lately. I'm sorry too."

He smiles sadly, the way people do when they've both been through hell.

"Why did you go with her?" I ask, hopeful his answer will put me at ease.

Tom sighs. "I met Barbie at a party about two years ago. She was right out of theatre school and making the rounds of auditions. I'd had a bit of success and I think that's why she latched onto my wagon. We dated a couple months and then when my sublet was up, I moved in with her and another guy. She landed a national tour and moved out. I stayed. As soon as she was out of town, she basically stopped calling. Soon after, I heard she had hooked up with the stage manager. I thought we had something, but clearly we didn't. She was using me for my connections, pestering my agent to take her on, bothering my costars for favors, asking my voice coach for free sessions."

"But why did you leave? What did she say that made you go with her?"

He hangs his head and sighs. "She said that she left because she was pregnant. That's all she'd tell me unless I went with her to talk."

My eyes widen. "Wow."

"No kidding."

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