Page 15 of Healing Bonds

Then, everything was blissfully dark.

“When I asked you to talk to her, this isn’t what I fucking meant, Celine.” Ryan’s voice broke through the static in my mind.

“We were talking!” Celine shrieked, and I wanted to cover my ears from the piercing noise.

“Keep your voice down,” Ryan growled. “She’s sleeping, and I want it to stay that way while you and I talk about what just happened.” Ryan’s warm hand suddenly wrapped around mine,and instantly, peace slid through me, relaxing me. Everything screaming in my mind quieted at his gentle touch.

“Fine. I’ll admit that things got out of hand, but shit, Ry, I didn’t know she was having a panic attack. One minute, she was screaming at me, and the next, she just… collapsed. Do you think she hit her head?” Celine sounded worried and terrified.

“No, but I’ve been thinking that maybe the proposal was too soon, and it’s triggered something. I think she’s just… overwhelmed. We wanted this so badly, but…”

“I don’t think so,” Celine protested. “She loves you more than anything.”

“I didn’t say she didn’t love me,” Ryan corrected her. “I just said that it was too soon.” I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I actually had wanted that proposal years ago, but the thought of opening my eyes and facing them didn’t appeal to me.

“Maybe we should take her to a doctor,” Celine suggested. “I can ask Dr. Alex for a recommendation.”

NO!

I wanted to shake sense into my best friend. Didn’t she understand that if I couldn’t talk to her, my twin, or Ryan, the last thing I wanted to do was speak to a stranger? If anything, my best friend loved to meddle more than she did any actual good. I wished she would just understand that when I was ready, I would talk.

I waited for Ryan’s response, praying that he could read my mind. But instead, there was only silence as he mulled over the thought of me seeing a therapist.

Ryan, it’s me. Please, I silently begged him.You know me. You know I don’t need a doctor.

“I don’t know how to help her,” Ryan finally whispered. My heart broke in my chest. How did we come to this? “Maybe we should both see one?”

Celine and I appeared to be on the same wavelength as we both thought the same question.

“Why?” Celine asked him.

“I’m dealing with my own shit, too, and I don’t want it to become a problem for her. Ican’tlet my problems drag her down when she’s drowning in her own.”

What was he dealing with? What hadn’t he told me? Why was he keeping secrets from me?

Finally finding the willpower to open my eyes, I stared at the ceiling of our living room, blinking a few times to clear the sleep from my eyes and let them adjust to the afternoon sunlight filtering in through the big window. I sat up, my hand immediately shooting to my head when a dull, persistent throb began.

Ryan’s hand stilled on my leg. His eyes shot between Celine and me before resting on me, his irises glossed over with exhaustion.

“Ames, how are—” Celine didn’t finish her sentence. When I looked at her, I could see the apprehension lining her eyes. She knew something I didn’t, and she’d been keeping secrets from me about Ryan. From the fearful look in her big, blue eyes lined with faded eyeliner and small, barely noticeable black smudges from crying, I knew she’d realized that I had heard everything.

“Does anyone want to fill me in on all of this shit that you’re dealing with?” I asked Ryan. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before sighing. “Shit that is apparently too big and scary for me to deal with? I’m the woman you confessed all your love to yesterday!” I exclaimed, tears welling in my eyes. I was as angry as I was upset. “You can’t keep secrets from me, Ryan!”

Chapter Six

RYAN

“Always so much rage in that tiny body,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. The sarcastic comment made Celine giggle and seemed to simmer Amber’s rage as her body relaxed into the couch, her one hand still holding her head, but I still saw the anger in her green eyes, making them burn emerald. So damn pretty, even when she was furious with me.

“I think I’ll head home—let you two figure this out,” Celine suggested as she reached for her bag on the table. Amber’s burning gaze cut to her, making Celine pause and swallow nervously. “On second thought… I think I’ll stay.” She then sank into a chair at the glass kitchen table, her eyes darting between Amber and me.

“I’m waiting, Ryan,” Amber’s voice cut through the silence, bringing all the attention in the room to her.

Looking at her small body wrapped in a white, fluffy blanket on the brown, suede couch, my heart softened. So much had changed in the last year. We had experienced life and trauma while we were apart, all because of me. Had I not decided to sign another contract, we would have been together a hell of a lot sooner. And maybe we would be avoiding all this.

I couldn’t stop admiring her beautiful, freckled face. Even with her green eyes slitted in anger, her red hair falling out of the perfect curls she had painstakingly created that morning, and her makeup smudged, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on. Regardless of everything that had changed, she was still the girl I had fallen in love with all those years ago. The only difference now was that time had aged us both. No longer did we look at the world through rose-tinted glasses that a naïve teenager took for granted.

Instead, we both knew the horrors and struggles of adulthood. We felt the ache of a broken heart, the fear of trying to figure out how to put food on the table, and the worry of trying to get the electricity bill paid before the cutoff date.

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