Page 125 of Never You

Someone like Jensen.

“They wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life,” she tells me, as if she can read my mind.

“I’m not alone.” Tears prick under the surface, and I swallow to push them away. “I’ve got you, Johnny, Chris, Nana, Kayla. I have a bunch of people.”

“That’s not the kind of love I’m talking about, and you know it.” The tone in her voice is free from judgment as she places awarm hand over mine. I sigh deeply, closing my eyes, giving free access to the tears that now run down my cheeks.

“I’m scared, June.”

“I know you are, baby. But that’s what love is. It’s scary.”

I shake my head. “My heart isn’t whole. I can’t lose what's left of it. I can’t lose anything else. I can’t lose anyone else. I want to work it out with him, but I’m not sure I can fully open up to him. Not now, not ever.”

“You think that’s gonna work? Look at that man and tell me you don’t love him. Tell me you haven’t already shared more with him than you’ve done with any other guy in your life. Tell me you don’t look into the future and seehim.”

I look at Jensen, biting my lip.

He’s everything I never wanted, but I’d be lying if I’d say she isn’t right. We’ve only been together for a week, but already, he has wormed his way under my skin, making it impossible for me to think about my life without him. Everything before him feels like a distant memory, a faraway past.

“You tell me you can’t live without your heart,” my aunt continues. “Do you think you can live without him?”

I want to sayyesso badly. I want to be able to say goodbye and tell himsee you laterwhenever our time is up, but the answer is no.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to remember every second that he was still in my arms, knowing he was about to leave me at some point. I know he said he wanted to be with me, but even if he’s staying for now, defying his parents, it won’t last. At some point, he’s going to leave again, bound to whatever team he’s gonna play for. I kept convincing myself that I was going to be fine without him, that he and I were going to have fun while it lasted. Until real life forces us apart. I know he thinks differently; I’m just trying to look at it realistically.

But every time I thought about next week, next month, and even next year, I imagined him being there. Standing next to me. Getting on my nerves about the little things. Kissing my neck when I’m not looking. Annoying me with his cocky behavior. Every birthday, holiday, Sunday. I imagined him there.

I have hope.

But even though that’s what I want, my thoughts always end with the same sentence.

“We don’t belong together.”

“Says who?”

“Says everyone! Says his mother, who’s basically trying to marry him off. Says the fact that we’ve been arguing about bullshit for the last five years! His dad is Asher Jensen. He’s running for governor. They want him to fit the perfect picture, and he might be fine wandering off with me now, but I’m never going to be the perfect girlfriend, and I don’t want to be.”

“Yeah, because he seems like he’s the perfect governor’s son, right?” she mocks. “Stop finding excuses to ask him to stay. Just ask him.”

“He already said he’s staying.”

June snaps her head my way, her brown eyes scolding, with little specks of gold dancing in around her pupils. Just like mine. They remind me of my mothers, the one thing I will never forget. When I was younger, it was frightening how hard it was to look into June’s eyes. I love her with all my heart, and even though she isn’t my mother, she’s the closest thing there is. But after the crash, having her eyes aimed at me hurt like hell. Like my mother was watching me from a different body. Both comforting and terrifying at the same time.

“Then what the hell is holding you back, girl?”

She holds my gaze, her gaze filled with disbelief. “I’ve known the boy for thirty-six hours and I’m falling in love just looking at him.”

“Yeah, he is easy on the eyes.” I swoon.

“Rae, baby. Look at me.” I turn my head, doing as she asked. “That’s not what I meant. I’m falling in love with him because I see the way he looks atyou. I see the way he looks at my girl, my niece, mydaughter.” Her words make my eyes flood, and I try to sniff away the tears. “It’s the same way your father looked at your mother. It’s the same way Christopher looks at me. He’sinlovewith you.”

“That’s a bit much, June. We like each other, sure. Have great sex, yeah. But he doesn’t love me.”

“Thanks for sharing.” She pulls a face. “But you’re wrong. You think he’d be playing outside with Lily if you were just a good fuck?”

I frown, letting her words settle, then I gasp for air, my head snapping toward Jensen, who’s throwing Lily in the air. His laughter echoes through the yard, warming me on the inside. As if he can feel my gaze, he twists his head, and our eyes lock.

For a second, it’s like time stands still, and I can feel it. It’s like lightning strikes me in an open field; there is no escape, there is no denial. My chest expands and goosebumps trail down my body.

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